I have been pondering my choices (such as they are) since yesterday, while nursing a really bad head-cold. I feel miserable enough without being on call for work -- and without having W hound me every chance she gets.
I tell you, I am so disgusted with her right now, I could spit napalm. Every time, and I mean every time I have tried to talk to my sons (which we try to do once in the AM and once in the PM when we don't have the kids) W has taken the opportunity to insert another word about taking this offer. She is more than syrupy and congenial, mind you, but its now so painfully obvious this all about her. She keeps coming up with more little arguments to support her case while trying to make it sound like it will be a plus for me. She's talking now about what I could do with the profit -- take a vacation, fly to see family, buy a new computer, or fly my mother up here for the holidays.
I'm sick of her. I used to count myself lucky that my S's mother at least put them first in her life. I mean, she could have abandoned her children just like her own mother did. And she really seemed to love them ahead of her own self (even though she skewed what was really in their best interest) -- well, no longer.
This morning, after I managed to try to talk to two highly distracted boys (she had them watching a show on the DVR) she called back to tell me that S7 was ill and wouldn't be going to church. She then asked if I was too sick to go to church myself (which I had already told S7 and S3) -- but she used that as another lead-in to talk about how exciting it would be for me to be able to fly my mother out here for the holidays -- like W gives even a rat's p'tard now for what my mother does. Oh, she was nice and friendly about it, but I saw it for what it was. As W began to wind up again for the pitch I abruptly told her I was going to hang up now. W asked was I that ill, which I replied I was.
I got to thinking that my W has the ability to turn on the charm and act like she's the most concerned and caring person, at will. I concluded that I must have been a dumb sap who fell for her false words all these years, failing to recognize (at least consciously)when she was not really sincere and only trying to manipulate people to get what she wants.
I feel like she's now holding my kids hostage to her interests, to eek out concessions from me at a time when I am simultaneously over-worked, under-slept, irritable from being on-call, and suffering flu-like symptoms. Can she not see what she is doing to us? I just want to talk to my sons. I don't need this hard-sell.
And then she has had the gall to call me three more times today -- all about the same cr*p. I let her go to the answering machine and will continue to do so. And she's pouring on the sympathy for me all of a sudden, saying she hopes my cold will abate, giving me advice about what to take and to monitor my blood pressure (if she only knew the source of my increasing hypertension!)
I kid you not, I am on-call for work this week, and so-far I've had more calls from W than from work!
Despite this, and despite the fact I'd like nothing more than to thwart her precious plans and machinations, I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't just let the house go. It's too costly to upkeep and the tax benefits are more than offset by the added cost of the mortgage. I guess it comes down to whether one has faith in the economy enough to risk it getting better in a reasonable timeframe. Right now, I have little faith in the institutions of Man, other than I am convinced that if they get a chance to, they'll screw it up for all of us. Given the precarious position I am in in my career, now a 20-year veteran, and the demotion back in May, I don't put a lot of faith in my employers. And if the economy tanks anymore than it has, then I can see foreclosure in my future. (Don't talk to me about Obama or McCain, I am convinced that not only can neither of them do anything to solve our many woes, but either of these two will actually contribute to it getting worse. Try to prove me wrong, if you dare.)
No, Lwb, I am still tempted, but I could just as easily find an older, cheaper home outside of this pseudo-urban area. A place a little more reasonable and affordable and not quite so taken up with status and materialism. One where my kids can ride their bikes and have a "normal" neighborhood lifestyle. Right now, though, that is not in the cards.
So, I'm leaning towards getting out myself. Let W continue to ruin her own life, chasing after married men and only concerned with her precious credit rating. She's leeched off of me for far too long as it is.
I'm still thinking (or trying to) but that's where I'm at at present.
