I was unfaithful

[Sanderika]

Max,

In catching up on your post to SPM, you said H brought up the R with a question. WHAT DID HE ASK YOU???

You said after a long hard look you told him that you no longer wanted to be married. DID HE ASK FOR A DIVORCE???

H wanted to talk, DID YOU CLOSE AND LOCK THE DOOR??

I find when my H wants to talk we have "great conversations" about the R, M, HIM, ME, SON, OW, BUSINESS, WEATHER, ETC...You get the idea. Let me tell you if I want to talk and he doesn't the talk goes no where and fast. I always get his true thoughts and feelings when he is open to conversation.

In my opinion men aren't talkers either, they hate emotional stuff. If it can't be fixed the logical way they aren't interested in an emotional solution. Your H sounds the same to me.

Going Dark means no contact, act "as if" the sitch is not your priority and you are adjusting and moving on. Go about your business without contacting H for anything. Discuss important issues regarding children and finances only. Behave as if you are moving on with your life. Keep a PMA and look absolutely fantastic when your H is around, smile and be friendly without overdoing. Absolutely be a mystery to H. If H contacts you continue the "as if" attitude but be cordial. In a conversation only discuss the matter at hand and then end the call. Do not be avail. every time H rings you. If H just pops by, immediately start doing something so as not to look sad and lonely and waiting. If H leaves you a message via phone or email answer it when you get to it, don't jump on it.

I am no obvious expert here, But these ideas are good ones. In most cases they have the desired results which is to bring H around in curiousity and to make yourself desireable to your H.

When it comes to telling the truth about the affair. I think you had to tell him. You cannot reconstruct a R and keep secrets as well. Your H is having a hard time with the truth but he is better off knowing it and so are you. It would haunt the R without it all being out in the open. Only now forgiveness can begin. Forgiveness takes a lot of time and patience. Your H needs to see your remorse and regret. Your H needs to see your commitment and it doesn't happen overnight. Your H needs to realize that he can trust you and you're the one who has to do all the work to convince H otherwise.

Max, I know you told your H you wanted the M to end. That is a LRT. It should not be used unless you mean what you said and you are prepared to follow through. I used the LRT and I feel it backfired big time on me. Don't be me unless you are 100% serious and will have no doubt in your choice.

Max, I might be wrong here, I have read about you and listened to your words...I don't believe this is what you want. Please search your inner being and soul for the answer. Like I said standing is a personal choice. It takes determination, patience and true grit to be a stander. In my opinion it's easy to throw in the towel. Think about what I said, it's your choice, make sure you will have no regrets to end the M before you begin the process.

I care about the sitch you are in...I know how hard living is for you...I live it every day.

Your friend,

Sanderika