She keeps the conversation going with you because she can't bear the thought of not having you. You are her best friend. You would do anything for her. You make her feel safe. Without you there, she would see all that she doesn't have in the OM.
I knew that it killed me to think that my husband would be mad at me. If I thought that he was I would get mad at him to get the blame off of me and then later be nice to smooth it over. Geez, how bad is that? Anyway, I didn't want my H mad at me. I also wanted him to make it easy on me so I could divorce if i wanted to and know it would go easily. If he had started dating I would have thought, "See, he doesn't really love me. He has given up and now I can, too." If he had not insisted over and over again that he loved me, had given up on me, had made it easy on me, I would have filed. I wouldn't have wanted to, but I would have thought "we both are in this place". It would have validated everything I had done. If he had filed...all the better....I didn't want to do it.
She is bent on showing you she doesn't need you. She doesn't want to need you.
My worst fear was accidentally calling H when I was with OM. I'm sorry you had to hear anything. If H had heard ANYTHING when i was with them I can't imagine..... Just remember she is not thinking clearly and making bad choices.
It is not over. You say she still feels guilt. SHe still gets that faraway look. She still is spending time with you. She still calls and talks. AND you have faith. With God, anything is possible. You know this. She even said to you that she knows she can't say she tried everything. She knows.......oh the guilt...... And every time her kids are affected by her choice.....more pain......
YOU SAID: My actions need to be purposeful. I will show strength, character, and above all else, that I'm a great guy to be with. PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU SAID: But at the same time, I realize that I'm a weak man with many flaws that also enjoys having attention. Craves it, would be more like it. Need it. PERFECT THAT YOU KNOW THIS SO YOU CAN MAKE SURE NOT TO PUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS THAT COULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE. IT'S A SLOW FADE.
YOu are looking to God right now. YOu should be. Did God want you to hear the convo? Yes. Did he want you to run into them at lunch? Yes. Is it because he wants you to give up? You don't know yet. I sincerely doubt it. God has a plan. You do not know what that is. But what DO you know? You know you love her, you know she is your wife, you know how God feels about divorce, you know she has not filed yet. I hope you get to see that movie soon.
I know you want to give up. It seems so much less painful....you feel hopeless. I was there. My H was there. Your fight is a hard one. Let me tell you again that it is NOT over, there is STILL hope. AND no matter what we will support you. WE are here to share the pain and confusion. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you want to stop trying. We ALL have felt that. But, we keep trying. Because we know what we want and when we lay down late at night we know in our heart what we should do. (((((((((h4h)))))))))))))))
