For the Guy with Kids and a WW Dix-Sept

[kat727]

You had better make that 2, you are a pretty strong advocate for it yourself.

I just want the best for you. I think we all do. It hurts to see the pain and believe me we all feel it with you.

kat

[hopeful4her]

H4H,

Using faith as an excuse is one way to look at it. But isn't it also the case that faith causes us to live a certain way? Faith is a belief, and your faith is strong which is one big reason for the conflict you are going through.

lis, my faith has weakened greatly.

You can tell that the longer I go, the more I'm telling myself that I don't want to do it anymore. Then my Guardian Angel comes around and taps my shoulder.

Of course, thoughts are one thing. Puting them to action is a completely different animal. Thats why I keep reminding myself to take it...

day by day by day.

[marriedCrazy]

H4H, God also doesn't necessarily want us to endure unrepentant adultery either. We don't have to hate them or shun them; but it IS the out that God gives us.

Not that I'm advocating D; because I'm in a similar sitch and I feel the same as you about D.

[lost_in_space]

lis, my faith has weakened greatly.

You can tell that the longer I go, the more I'm telling myself that I don't want to do it anymore. Then my Guardian Angel comes around and taps my shoulder.

Of course, thoughts are one thing. Puting them to action is a completely different animal. Thats why I keep reminding myself to take it...

day by day by day.

H4H,

That is really all we can do, isn't it. We can not control anything but ourselves and how we feel.

I am with you (and MC) - I do not believe in D, unless there is abuse. What I see happening in me is a slow shift to thinking that what she is doing to me is abusive, so... In other words, I understand your conflict totally.

Will I file? Not at this point. My L just keeps watching for my back when she has her L send Bull$hit letters, threatening this and that.

Day by day is the best we can do right now. I encourage you to try and not think about W today. Crank the music, go buy a new shirt, bake cookies with D's (did that last night with D11 and a friend of hers) - do whatever to make you feel good. I have found in these last few days that has been easier for me because I have given myself a diversion. Not easy, but when you focus elsewhere, you will not focus on W and that, right now IMO, would be a good thing.

Take care bud. I sense the despair in you - but you WILL COME THROUGH THIS.

[karen43]

H4H, so sorry about your night. I have to admit that I accidentally did that once to my H, and he told me he listened (it was to me and the kids of course so I would think it would be boring!!!). Ever since then I check it sometimes to make sure that doesn't happen again. I think if you tell her, she will maybe do that too!!!

I've always heard it say that you know when it's time to give up. I feel like I am getting there myself, except you know I still have that teeny tiny hope left. I'm a goob. You don't sound like you have really gotten to that point, I know you're upset now, but I would be surprised if you were there yet. But if you are, you know I support you completely.

If you're not there yet, I really really think you should try going dark, black, as dim as you can. I do wonder sometimes if some us (you, me, Corey) sorry but have a harder time doing that b/c it's not in our nature!!! But I am 100% committing myself to that from now, and maybe you can too? If it made your W realize that you are moving on or woke her up out of her fog, then that would be good, but I think really important for you to be happy or at least happier than you are now.

I think we have all tried to tell you not to lose yourself in the ABC girls. I agree with that too. You know I had that choice also, and decided not to. I couldn't live with myself, or I wouldn't like looking at myself in the mirror or whatever else cliche applies! ((((H4H)))) Karen

[frank_D]

I also don't believe in coincidences. I think that we are presented with these glimpses into their reality so we can accept what is.

In my case, last night I went to the store at around 9 pm and on my way back passed by W's house. OM's (man-boy) truck was there and he was getting into it. Behind him was W in her car waiting for him. I'm sure she saw my as her lights were shining into my car and I had to stop at the corner.

So, there she goes to spend the night, and she sees me as she's leaving. and I see her. Lesson learned.

When I got home I see she had called the house but D13 didn't answer the phone because she was playing a video game. W left a message that she wanted to talk to D13. I told D13 to call her back ans she did. I overheard her talking about my birthday coming up and W must have asked her if she got me a present yet because she said something about having to do that.

So, W needs to make sure the kids don't forget my birthday while she's screwing Man-Boy.

What a piece of work she has become.

The sad part is that it doesn't hurt that much.

The sadder part is I still think of her as my wife. How weird is that?

[LL44]

The sad part is that it doesn't hurt that much.

The sadder part is I still think of her as my wife. How weird is that?

Makes total sense. Probably the same reason that I can't put X in front of the word husband without it feeling totally wrong.

I think that we are presented with these glimpses into their reality so we can accept what is.

I agree. I call 'em 'little reality bumps'. The bumps for me help me move on. They hurt temporarily but not NEARLY what they used to, then I can move on.

[whatdidido]

H4h,

Get ready, it's a long one.

She keeps the conversation going with you because she can't bear the thought of not having you. You are her best friend. You would do anything for her. You make her feel safe. Without you there, she would see all that she doesn't have in the OM.

I knew that it killed me to think that my husband would be mad at me. If I thought that he was I would get mad at him to get the blame off of me and then later be nice to smooth it over. Geez, how bad is that? Anyway, I didn't want my H mad at me. I also wanted him to make it easy on me so I could divorce if i wanted to and know it would go easily. If he had started dating I would have thought, "See, he doesn't really love me. He has given up and now I can, too." If he had not insisted over and over again that he loved me, had given up on me, had made it easy on me, I would have filed. I wouldn't have wanted to, but I would have thought "we both are in this place". It would have validated everything I had done. If he had filed...all the better....I didn't want to do it.

She is bent on showing you she doesn't need you. She doesn't want to need you.

My worst fear was accidentally calling H when I was with OM. I'm sorry you had to hear anything. If H had heard ANYTHING when i was with them I can't imagine..... Just remember she is not thinking clearly and making bad choices.

It is not over. You say she still feels guilt. SHe still gets that faraway look. She still is spending time with you. She still calls and talks. AND you have faith. With God, anything is possible. You know this. She even said to you that she knows she can't say she tried everything. She knows.......oh the guilt...... And every time her kids are affected by her choice.....more pain......

YOU SAID: My actions need to be purposeful. I will show strength, character, and above all else, that I'm a great guy to be with. PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU SAID: But at the same time, I realize that I'm a weak man with many flaws that also enjoys having attention. Craves it, would be more like it. Need it. PERFECT THAT YOU KNOW THIS SO YOU CAN MAKE SURE NOT TO PUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS THAT COULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE. IT'S A SLOW FADE.

YOu are looking to God right now. YOu should be. Did God want you to hear the convo? Yes. Did he want you to run into them at lunch? Yes. Is it because he wants you to give up? You don't know yet. I sincerely doubt it. God has a plan. You do not know what that is. But what DO you know? You know you love her, you know she is your wife, you know how God feels about divorce, you know she has not filed yet. I hope you get to see that movie soon.

I know you want to give up. It seems so much less painful....you feel hopeless. I was there. My H was there. Your fight is a hard one. Let me tell you again that it is NOT over, there is STILL hope. AND no matter what we will support you. WE are here to share the pain and confusion. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you want to stop trying. We ALL have felt that. But, we keep trying. Because we know what we want and when we lay down late at night we know in our heart what we should do.
(((((((((h4h)))))))))))))))

Beej

[marriedCrazy]

WDID, very powerful.

I took insight from that as well.