W is in for a shock if she thinks her happy place will be there much longer - I think DB Estates could be the fastest growing community in North America! Friendly place to - better than the Mouse House.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I think that I need more help with setting boundaries. A part of me wants to hit so hard on the head for what she's NOT doing around the house.
A little background, W wants to D, so we decide to separate. Only she's not fully moved out and now I don't think that she intends to; only live like she's single. Basically, cake eating. What I have done is quit paying for a cell phone, I don't buy her gas or give her fun money, I don't fund nails, hair, tanning, or the like. She is still on the family gym membership. She now has her own cell phone and pays for her own gas and fun money.
I still make the car payment and insurance. But I don't drive it. She comes and goes as she pleases and eats whatever I have in the kitchen. She buys no groceries; though she did buy breakfast this morning. She has given me one-week's daycare money for just our S. That's it.
Right now, as I am trying to decide how to proceed with this "separation"; I am not making waves. Under the guise of having PMA; I'm not confronting on issues. She has respected the boundaries of what I have asked of her in the recent past, she doesn't do the IM or texting OMs while we're all in the house. I guess I need to decide how to get her to own up to some responsibilities. I want to do it in a way that is consistent with DB principles. I guess I'm trying to find my NUTZ in a nice way.
She does no laundry, no cleaning, no cooking for anyone but herself and just is basically a slob.
She does no laundry, no cleaning, no cooking for anyone but herself and just is basically a slob.
Any ideas?
My 1st thought is that you shouldn't do her laundry or cook for her (if she never cooks for you) if that's what you're doing. And re: the cleaning I would think maybe offer her a choice of doing her share of the cleaning or she should pay for her share of a maid or cleaning service to come in once or 2x a week? She's cake-eating and you're doing her laundry??? I can't believe that!!! Just kidding I used to do that too!!! Karen
Actually, I don't do her laundry. I do mine and the kids. She doesn't do any of it, not even hers. She's been just fluffing her clothes in the dryer, OOHH.
She needs to contribute half of all the expenses involving the kids and food for them. She needs to move out of pay half of the household expenses. If that is her car then she pay otherwise she does not use it.
Karen