My opinion is that it is not detaching so much ( just a little ) it is loss of control over this person
It seems that you realize that you cannot control your H. I know that for my sitch, the rapid downward spiral started after I became controlling. I didn't realize I was controlling; but looking back, I can see how she felt that it was. I never REALLY forgave her; I never REALLY trusted her again. She was done trying. Now I realize that it was a fear of losing her that made my grip even tighter.
Now I've let her go; but you know what, she's still here, physically. I don't bother her about what she does; in fact, I don't care so much. I do deep down; but I've realized that I'm happy when I'm not in her presence, so losing her is NOT the catastrophic event I thought it might be.
Dropping control of the spouse leads to real detachment.
best wishes Max. I think you're getting somewhere.
