God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[theotherhalf]

I get the feeling TOH is doing what she thinks her husbands wants to get him to return, in which case … are the changes genuine and long lasting?

This feeling is very wrong. Honestly H maybe wanted this before he left. He should have said so. He should have included me more. Appreciated me for what I DID do. Respected me enough to ask me to help, not demand me too when it was convient to him. Relized that I had other obligations besides him. But it's too late to go back. Being more involved in the farm is something that I realized I WANT to do now before it is all gone. I may not get this chance again. It really has nothing to do with H. It's ME and what I want. And whether or not this lasts is up to whether or not we keep this farm.

A huge lack of communication.

Absolutely!!!

TOH needs to explore why she didn’t do as much around the farm as she could (maybe she did and her H didn’t appreciate her efforts??)

..
explained in last posts...when we work together he treats me like I am an employee not a partner. he expects me to jump at his beck and call no matter what I may be doing. he has no patience with me. he is a terrible teacher, then expects me to know what and how. Then I found myself makeing exuses to not help. It was just easier to stay away and leave him to do it. And I have been very guilty of putting my children before him.

why she didn’t want to ML to her H (were her emotional needs being met? Did she feel loved and desired)…

I always WANT to ML with my H. It's just easier not to sometimes. And I guess I used it to punish him for not "loving" me the way I needed him to. Or I would wait for him to initiate because I WANTED him to, and he was waiting for me. Lack of communication between us on sex is a HUGE issue as well. It seems we both have very high walls built between us when it comes to sex...

why she put on weight etc.

I put on weight because it's in my genes. I come from a long line of "heavy" people. And I LOVE food. And like to cook, if I'me going to cook it, I'm going to eat it. And I have NO will power.