God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[Nutty Chick]

If toh does 'stand by her man' and show him she can and will THAT is why he would want to go back and be married. How will dumping all the work on her H make things better?

I get the feeling TOH is doing what she thinks her husbands wants to get him to return, in which case … are the changes genuine and long lasting?

I get the feeling there is a long history of either withholding things from each other or doing them and silently resenting them.

A huge lack of communication.


TOH needs to explore why she didn’t do as much around the farm as she could (maybe she did and her H didn’t appreciate her efforts??) .. why she didn’t want to ML to her H (were her emotional needs being met? Did she feel loved and desired)… why she put on weight etc.

You can’t expect anyone else to understand your motives unless you do ….

Nutty

[a new 2moro]

[color:#000099]I get the feeling TOH is doing what she thinks her husbands wants to get him to return, in which case … are the changes genuine and long lasting?

i have felt this too....she always seems to question why he hasnt noticed, and why hes still where is he is in the crisis. I have tried to explain her constant contact, sex, and R talks keep him from moving along the tunnel as well as keep her stuck too.

[Andabelle]

I get that farming is not just a job, but a lifestyle/vocation. I just wanted to know if TOH was as invested in it as her H. It seems they both love it, even though she's leery of the larger animals.

[theotherhalf]

WCW,

That's okay. I probably did say I didn't help him much. If you ask him, he says I didn't do anything. (rewriting) I didn't help as much as he needed me to. I didn't help as much as I wanted to. I didn't help as much as I could maybe. But I was there and I've worked my a*s off for this place just as he has.

No, I didn't have court. They delayed it again until Thur. Geez! get it over with already. Got a letter in the mail yesterday that they are adding to the restitution list. Her landlord is charging $900.00 to replace the door. Started out as 400. Seriously!!! I was there. That door just popped open. Nothing broke off. Nothing flew. There was no holes. The door was obviously bad and and they are using me to fix it. The landlord goes with her friend and he is a contractor so...

[theotherhalf]

I get the feeling TOH is doing what she thinks her husbands wants to get him to return, in which case … are the changes genuine and long lasting?

This feeling is very wrong. Honestly H maybe wanted this before he left. He should have said so. He should have included me more. Appreciated me for what I DID do. Respected me enough to ask me to help, not demand me too when it was convient to him. Relized that I had other obligations besides him. But it's too late to go back. Being more involved in the farm is something that I realized I WANT to do now before it is all gone. I may not get this chance again. It really has nothing to do with H. It's ME and what I want. And whether or not this lasts is up to whether or not we keep this farm.

A huge lack of communication.

Absolutely!!!

TOH needs to explore why she didn’t do as much around the farm as she could (maybe she did and her H didn’t appreciate her efforts??)

..
explained in last posts...when we work together he treats me like I am an employee not a partner. he expects me to jump at his beck and call no matter what I may be doing. he has no patience with me. he is a terrible teacher, then expects me to know what and how. Then I found myself makeing exuses to not help. It was just easier to stay away and leave him to do it. And I have been very guilty of putting my children before him.

why she didn’t want to ML to her H (were her emotional needs being met? Did she feel loved and desired)…

I always WANT to ML with my H. It's just easier not to sometimes. And I guess I used it to punish him for not "loving" me the way I needed him to. Or I would wait for him to initiate because I WANTED him to, and he was waiting for me. Lack of communication between us on sex is a HUGE issue as well. It seems we both have very high walls built between us when it comes to sex...

why she put on weight etc.

I put on weight because it's in my genes. I come from a long line of "heavy" people. And I LOVE food. And like to cook, if I'me going to cook it, I'm going to eat it. And I have NO will power.

[theotherhalf]

she always seems to question why he hasnt noticed

I don't recall ever asking this?...

[theotherhalf]

I just wanted to know if TOH was as invested in it as her H.

before MLC...absolutely!
since MLC...TOH? More than ever...
H? Not so much...

[sgctxok]

toh--thanks for you help on the board!!!

[theotherhalf]

Huh?

[theotherhalf]

Hey all,

I spent the evening last night thinking..."what is the best way to handle this situation? What would they tell me on the board? What's the best for ME? I came up with no answers so just went with the flo...

H came about 10am Sat. Again. Starting to become a weekly ritual. He came in, we talked a little. He went a did his thing I stayed and did mine. BIL came later in the day. They were around and in and out all day. I spent the day with D17 and friend taking senior pictures. Here and at the neighbors. Then sat with friend for awhile catching up. Guys came in and we all just sat around talking. Friend left, guys stayed. We did some reminicing about the old days, laughed, even shed a couple tears. Guys left for awhile. Went and checked beans then road tripped over to the cemetary to visit their Dad's grave. They then came back. I went down to basement to start corn burner. H followed. We ended up sitting down there watching fire and talking. BIL went to sleep on couch upstairs. We talked, D17 joined us some, we played with the dogs. Good evening. Eventually BIL got back up and joined us. BIL and I played darts.

We went upstairs. Guys ate. We watched a movie. H kept flirting. Poking me with his fork, nuging me, being "cute". At one point we were in the kitchen, he leaned towards me, I imediately felt the urge to kiss him, I grabbed his face... leaned in... and bit him (softly) on the cheek. Phsyc! At the last second told myself NO don't do it. H went to the bathroom, came out and shut my bedroom door. I went and pushed it open and said "just what do you think your doing?" he was sitting on the bedding taking off his jeans, he laughed and said "my bed tonight". Then climbed in. I said, "no don't think so". I got ready and climed in beside him. We went to sleep. And this morning for the first time. He did not seem p*ssed off that he'd spent the night. We sat for a long time just drinking coffee, sitting in the kitchen just talking. About whatever. Just the two of us...

BIL had to be in town early so he could go to work. So they stayed till around noon then left.

This is so hard... I love having him here. But I hate it when he goes. It isn't enough for me to have him here one night a week. But it's all he's got right now. I see him working on issues but until he lets me in there is nothing I can say or do. I want to be "real" with him, I feel he needs to see that we can be with each other, but yet I can't push. He has stayed here the last 3 Saturdays and last Tuesday. I feel like each time we get a little more comfortable with each other. I think harvest could be interesting. I think there is a good possiblity that he'll be staying more.

I'm really trying to be still and see what happens here. BUT I like you say do not want him just using me either. But how do I know what he is really doing/thinking. Is he leaning towards home, or is he just taking full advantage of me and the sitch...

Have a good week (((everyone)))
TOH