I was unfaithful

[Sanderika]

Good Morning Max....

Just read up more on your posts.....

I am sorry you were hurting yesterday. It is very hard to be in our sitches. My heart goes out to you....

You need to have patience for H, H is hurt. He will work this out in his own time, one step at a time. It can't be forced, if it is the results will definately be a divorce - just my opinion.

H will also have good days and bad days. Take the good days for what they are and leave him alone the rest of the time. Remember - NO EXPECTATIONS.

It was great that you were finally totally honest with him. H would not have been able to handle "the rest of the story" down the road if he had accepted what he had known as the story to that point and then you hit him with more. You would have lost him for sure - just my opinion.

I think it is a huge positive that you ML with H a few days ago. You need to realize that H is attracted to you and is thinking about you even if he doesn't show it. Don't be impatient if your H doesn't approach you to ML again right away. If he enjoyed it, he is still thinking about it. And, girlfriend...you need to make sure H enjoys it. Make him want it with you. Be Patient...Be Attactive, Sexy, Smell Good and Treat him with Love, Kindness and Friendship when he is around. DON'T POUR YOURSELF ON HIM THOUGH, BE A BIT FLIRTY, Make H feel Desireable. Be prepared for a visit...Don't let your guard down. You want H to see you living well. You want H to see what he is leaving behind, you want H to want you. H will not want someone who is lonely and needy and desperate.

You can't reach out to H...Don't call him or text him incessantly....H will feel the needy desperation and will bolt. You own businesses together, if you needed a tax question answered...you should call and leave the question in the message or email the question and wait for H to return the answer in a form he feels comfortable. No nagging for the answer. To you it might be just a tax question, but to H it is a whole lot more.

I go dark and I find it helps a lot better. Make H also wonder what is going on with you. He will wonder. He may not show it, but he will wonder. Remember...Your H is watching you very carefully, give H good thoughts and ideas about you.

A thought about your son wanting to spend time with his dad...perhaps if son would extend his hand to dad and help dad paint then dad would go play golf with son. Sometimes these guys are selfish and stubborn. I have great luck convincing son to hang with dad and bad luck the other way around. I think any contact is good contact. They will then enjoy any company together and it will lead to more.

I have kept my son informed of our sitch and including the reasons why it happened. My son has lived this from the age of 9 and he is an awesome kid. I think they can handle it and I think it would be wrong to hide things from them now that they will want the answers to later on. Our kids know more than we think they do so why not tell them the truth you want them to know instead of the half truths and inuendos through the grapevine they will hear, or their own thoughts which can be just as damaging.

I know you are tired, believe me I know...

You need to prepare for the long winding road of hills and valleys. Standing is a very personal choice. I have been standing for almost 39 months, I am not sorry. It is very frustrating, tiring, painful and lonely. I understand the theory of GAL but it doesn't replace the loneliness you feel for H. If you GAL, H will notice this too. So get out there...Make plans for next weekend for sure.

In my world.....

This weekend I had to paint some more trim on my house yesterday...days here are getting cold and I am running out of time. Today I am going to take son to the movies and out for lunch.

I am going to a Micro-Brew Beer Festival next Saturday with 4 friends (all girls) and I hate Beer!!!! But it is something to do....and maybe I will find one I like, so see make plans...google something going on in your area, check with friends and make plans...you will be glad you did. H may even find out about it and trust me that makes them wonder even more about your world and what's going on in it.

This won't be easy, Max...I am surviving and you will too,

Your friend,

Sanderika