For the Guy with Kids and a WW Dix-Sept

[kat727]

What is with the conversation? Wasn't she supposed to call and ask for the girls only? Why is she talking to me? All she had to say when I told her they were asleep was ask me to have them call her.

Click.

Why, it takes to people to have a conversation. All you had to do was remind her that the girls were asleep and you would have them call later. Click. You kept talking to her, she kept talking to you. You are not going dark(you are keeping the closet light on) or dropping the rope.

You want to get that change, you need to change.

kat

[karen43]

I agree with everything Kat said. You should use me as an example of how to drop the rope. Yeah, do everything exactly opposite how I do!!! My guess is that she's cake-eating. I think she does care about you; maybe she's trying to make sure you're always there to be her Plan B? So maybe going dark would make her make a choice or decision at some point if she feels like you're moving on? Plus, I think if at some point your W wanted to get back with you (which I do think there's a good chance), going dark would help you reduce some of the anger and hurt. And you've tried the friendly method; do you feel happy with the results or think a 180 with going dark might work? Cause you still haven't gone dark from what I can tell... Karen

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H))))

Maybe its time for both of us to do a 180. I don't know about you, but being "friends" gets harder everyday for me. It sounds like its getting harder on you too.

As far as what you "owe" OM...I would say an ass-kicking should even it up. Doesn't he have a wife? I say if your gonna stir the pot, make sure ALL the ingredients are in there, but thats just me.

They (my H, your W) need to miss us. They are cake-eaters and we are busy baking every minute of everyday.

Take care of you and your sweet girls. I can symathize with you about DD7, its so damn hard for them....

[hopeful4her]

I tell you what else is hard. Having your stupid spouse accidentally hit redial and call my cell without knowing. I listened to her chatting with some neighbors, I think. I could also hear OM in the background. Mostly unintelligable stuff. Then inside her place. Couldn't make out much. Her phone must have been in her jacket or something. I could make out only a few things. "Don't start" from her to him. "Roger freaking out" from him to her. "surprised he didn't find that too" from him. A lot of chit chat stuff. Could only make out a few words here and there. She was cold. Him talking. Her talking about her walk, tonight. Giggling and some laughs from her.

I listened in for about a half hour. How could I not? Then I decided it was enough.

It helped me to say forget it. She is in another world and enjoying it too much. Yes she feels the guilt, but she can get past it. Too stubborn. She has justified her actions.

I do not plan to wait for her anymore. I'm going to keep saying this to myself. I am done waiting for her. I put up a hell of a fight.

Again, I'll take each day as it comes. I don't plan on initiating D papers. Yet. But who knows what the future brings. I'm no longer going to be her fool.

And I'm not sad about it. I plan on sticking to this as best I can. My actions need to be purposeful. I will show strength, character, and above all else, that I'm a great guy to be with.

But at the same time, I realize that I'm a weak man with many flaws that also enjoys having attention. Craves it, would be more like it. Need it.

Day by day by day by day by.......

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H)))) I'm so sorry that happened. Don't make any decisions tonight. Sleep on it and give the going dark thing a shot.

You need a chance to do some healing of your own. The last couple of days have been pretty hard as far as your feelings about W are concerned. You also need a chance (as do I) to miss her. Getting too close to their fog and the BS that come with it has a way of chipping away at your heart and that makes what we are trying to do harder and it takes that much more of an emotional toll on us.
Take care of yourself and be kind to you....

[InLikeFlynn]

I would tell her as a "Oh by the Way....please make sure you haven't keyed you phone by accident every once in awhile" You called my phone last night and when I answered it I only heard you and "Foxtrot Hotel" talking and giggling etc. I had to quickly turn it off before I heard it go to another level!!!

Also you said you would not initiate the divorce proceedings. Well she is in no hurry and FH isn't pressing probably due to his marriage situation. So are you going to live like a monk while your wife doesn't? If not then the lesson about marriage you have been teaching/showing your kids goes out the window. Just throwing that out there. You two can always get re-married.

[LL44]

UGH. OUCH.

So sorry. I don't know how long I would have listened, probably as long as you, sitting in shock and sadness.

She is in another world and enjoying it too much. Yes she feels the guilt, but she can get past it. Too stubborn. She has justified her actions

Replace she/her with he/him and you have my xH.

Hope you are ok today. Sometimes the day after a 'bomb' like this, its worse, a type of hangover really.

HUGS!

[hopeful4her]

Also you said you would not initiate the divorce proceedings. Well she is in no hurry and FH isn't pressing probably due to his marriage situation. So are you going to live like a monk while your wife doesn't? If not then the lesson about marriage you have been teaching/showing your kids goes out the window. Just throwing that out there. You two can always get re-married.

I definately see myself getting to that point. My thoughts had been that she's not initiating because maybe there's hope, and that I wouldn't do it for a different reasons. She wants it, she does it, but too guilty to do it. Or she wants me to be the bad guy. Another is my faith. God hates divorce. God has not led to file on her. God wants me to keep trying. God meant for us to be together.

I think I'm using my faith as an excuse, though.

Part of my conflictions.

[lost_in_space]

I think I'm using my faith as an excuse, though.

Part of my conflictions.

H4H,

Using faith as an excuse is one way to look at it. But isn't it also the case that faith causes us to live a certain way? Faith is a belief, and your faith is strong which is one big reason for the conflict you are going through.

S&S suggested to think about things. I agree. Do some soul searching on your own where there is no reactionary feelings. Don't you think that only then can you truly determine what is right for you? At that point, if you feel a certain way, you will be able to do what is right for you.

Not sure if that makes sense bud - too early on a Sunday morning...

[hopeful4her]

Ldub,

I'm ok today. It was hard to hear, but not to the point of killing me. Maybe God wanted me to hear them together.

Coincidence?
Like the time I caught them having lunch once, by complete chance. I mean lightning should have struck me considering the odds. And the time that the girls and I talked in the church parking lot then went back to the apartment to talk to her about OM being around them and he was there just after an hour of me picking them up from her.

Coincidence?

I think God has been showing me ALL these things involving OM to bonk me on the head.

HE wants me to move on. Why else would EVERYTHING be being presented to me the way they are. Have a hard episode involving the wife and here come the ABC girls. Everytime. EVERYONE telling me to D her and move on with my life.

There is only one person, ONE that tells me to continue to have hope for her.

Beej.