Hope4us struggle, part 9 or 10 or whatever

[hopeful4her]

Father God,

Please grant our friend Hope4Us, and his family, a safe trip to and from Orlando. We pray that You will bless their time together as a family, and that it will be used for healing in their marriage and in their family relationships. Please refresh and encourage H4U and give him rest and strength for the work that still lies ahead of him, as we thank You for the work You are already doing in his marriage.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Amen.

[yenko69]

Amen.

Have a great trip and hope all works out for you.

[whatdidido]

Thinking about you and hoping things are going well.

[Hope4us]

Hey everyone. We're back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the words of kindness and props. I'm getting a little misty eyed just typing this.

Now for a warning, this is going to be long, but GOOD.

I went and picked up my mom last Friday afternoon. She stayed with S16 while we were gone. And I knew it was going to be an interesting dynamic as W had told me 3 weeks ago she didn't want to face anyone in my family as she knows my one brother knows about her A and thinks he told everyone. She's wrong. He hasn't said a word to anyone except SIL. So I thought this would be good that W could see my mom is the same loving MIL she's always been. And mom didn't disappoint. S16 and I got home with mom and she gave W a hug and told her she missed her and how good she looked. She then gave W her birthday card. W's birthday is a week from tomorrow and my mom hates wasting a stamp if she doesn't have to so she gave her her card early. And it was a funny one like always and W just smiled and laughed at it. We spent a good evening with mom, talking and laughing and W was asking all kinds of family questions of my mom. GOOD. Showing interest in MY family, who have always treated W like a daughter/sister.

Saturday morning we leave. Perfect flight. Get to Orlando and the weather is beautiful. Our room wasn't ready when we got there so we went to the ESPN club at the resort and had a bite to eat and a couple beers while watching Ohio State thrash Michigan State. We head up to our room at half time to get ready to go out for the evening. And the darn gift basket I had ordered wasn't in the room. So I called the front desk while W was in the bathroom and they said it'd be delivered soon so when W came out I stalled so we would be there when they delivered it. Well, this went on for a good hour and W was getting more pissed so I finally told her what the delay was and she was ok with it. Wrecked the surprise, but she was appreciative. We went to Epcot and it was packed so we only stayed for a bit. We left the park and went to the Dueling Piano's bar we always have a blast at.

The bar was very crowded also. We got the last table. A while later a couple of women asked if they could sit at the table with us. PERFECT. One of the ladies split soon after so it was just W, myself and our new friend. This lady works for Disney in Toronto and she was very outgoing. She was talking to W like crazy, telling her what a cute couple we made, told W how great she looked, told me how great W looked and how lucky I was. I told her (loud enough for W to hear) I agreed, she looked great. At one point in the night this lady grabs my hand and drags me from the table to dance with her. PERFECT. W gets to sit there while another woman grabs her husband and dances with him! Then while W was in the restroom, this lady moves over into W's chair so she's next to me. W comes back and has to sit there while this lady was flirtin up a storm with me. I didn't go over board and definitely didn't touch or anything like that, but the music was loud so this lady kept leaning in to talk to me, grabbing my arm when she talked etc. It couldn't have been better if I'd planned it. We finished the evening and went back to our room.

Got up Sunday morning, another beautiful day. Went and laid by the pool for a while. W looked AWESOME in her new bikini. I made sure to tell her a number of times how good she looked (her major LL). We went to Epcot and had a great day. Did some shopping, tried some different samples of food and wine. Went back to our resort and watched the Red Sox/Rays game at the ESPN club for a while and then to our room. Another very good day.

Monday, another beautiful day. Went and laid by the pool for a while, again with me telling W she looked great a couple times. We then went to MGM studios and met up with our friends. This was going to be another good test. Our friends know of W's affair. Last Oct when we were at Disney with this couple (and two other couples) W had told the W of this couple about this "perfect" guy she'd met and was seeing and how he has nothing to do with our troubles, but she's just so fortunate to have met this guy and how happy she was. Our friend called B.S. on her, told her what she was doing was wrong, etc. W had pretty much distanced herself from this friend since. And we have been friends with this couple for YEARS. Lived next door to each other. Their son and our youngest are only a few months apart so both W's were pregnant at the same time. The W's used to take the kids trick or treating while the H and I would sit out on the lawn with a beer and hand out candy. Just GREAT friends. So 3 weeks ago when I sent W the F you letter, W had responded in part that she didn't want to face our friends because she was ashamed. So this was another good thing that we would be spending time with this couple and W could see that they still care for her and won't treat her any differently.

And they didn't disappoint. We had a great time with them. Later in the evening we went to Epcot, watched the fireworks when the park closed and then went to our resort and sat at a table on the Boardwalk, drinking a couple beers and the 4 of us just talking. And it was like old times. On the way back to our room, W made a comment about how nice it was just sitting there talking with our FRIENDS. I told her I agreed and it was GOOD.

Tuesday, both us and our friends decide to spend the day at Epcot. We have a GREAT time all day. We head off to the dueling piano's bar after the park closes. We continue having a great time there. About midnight, our friends leave so it's just W and I. AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY GOOD. MAY JUST BE THE POINT WHERE W FIGURED IT OUT.

The bar was packed. Lots of young people. About 1 am, W goes to the restroom. On her way back to our seats some young guy stops her and starts hitting on her. I can see it going on from my seat. She pointed to where I was sitting twice. I learned after the event that he asked her if she was there with anyone and she pointed me out. But....even after she pointed me out, he was still all over her. And she tried to walk away from him a couple times and he kept grabbing her arm and leaning in really close talking to her, putting his hand on her arm, etc. And after she tried to walk away for a third time and he grabbed her arm I'd had enough. I walked over there and put my hand between them and on to his chest and pushed him away and he looked at me and the look on his face was priceless. I'm a pretty BIG guy. NFL linebacker build. And this guy was not very big. When I pushed him away I said to him "That's enough" and grabbed W's arm and escorted her back to our table. We sat down and W says, "I had it under control". I told her "yeah, ok, you tried to walk away 3 times and he kept grabbing your arm so you wouldn't leave. I had seen enough!". W says again "I had it under control" and I just looked at her and said, "ok, but I'm not going to let some young punk who is obviously looking for one thing hit on my wife while I sit here and watch". And she just looked at me with a look of LUST. From that point until the bar closed, she couldn't keep her hands off me.

We went back to our room, got into bed and I decided it was the right time to see if all the vibes I'd been getting meant anything. Not to get too graphic, but I made a subtle move and she didn't pull away. So I went a little further and the next thing I know we're all over each other. Not sure I'd call it ML. There was zero kissing. But it was HOT. I rolled over and dozed off for a little bit (there's a surprise, right ladies?). Woke up, rolled over and started spooning her and she responded. Still no kissing, but another HOT session. We go to sleep. I woke up Wed morning wondering how W would be. We had had a LOT to drink Tuesday so I hoped it wasn't just a drunken night of lust. And it WASN'T.

Wed morning I got up and went down on the Boardwalk for a cup of coffee and newspaper. A while later W TM's me saying she's hungry and when am I coming back? And it was in a good way. I grab her a breakfast sandwich, take it back to the room and eat with her before getting ready for the day. And it was very telling for me. When she got ready, she came out of the bathroom in just her undies, no bra. Prior to this she would have on her pants and bra. Hey, it must not have been just a drunken thing if she's comfortable enough to not wear her bra in front of me.


We spend another fun day at Epcot with our friends. After the park closed we went back and sat on the boardwalk with them and just talked. We went back to our room, got into bed and W moved over closer to me, but I just told her I had a nice time and went to sleep. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done to not grab her again as I'm pretty sure that she wanted to ML again, but I remembered my best DB. Don't pursue. Women want what they can't have. And it took everything I had to grab her and hold her. But I did (or didn't I guess).

Thursday, our last full day. We go to Epcot (can you tell it's our favorite park?) Do some shopping and sampling food and wine. And have a GREAT time. W is letting me hold her hand, is moving in close when I put my arm around her, etc. We decide we want to go to the dueling piano's bar one more time. We go and have a GREAT time. W keeps trying to get closer and closer to me. Is holding my hand, leaning in next to me, etc. We head back to our room and pretty much throw all our crap down and dive into the bed and this time it was ML. Passionate kissing. Not to get too graphic, but other intimate things you can do to a partner . We go to sleep planning on getting up early, packing and going to have breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants before being picked up to go to the airport. The alarm goes off, I roll over and snuggle her and next thing you know, heck with breakfast! . We decide we'll sleep just a little longer and grab a bite to eat at the airport. The snooze alarm goes off on her phone and she rolls over and looks at me and BAM, here we go again! So there ya go, two times ML without any booze involved. And when we finally got going she was walking around completely naked. WooHoo.

We come home to rescue Mom from S16. My mom says to W, "I told S16 earlier this week that you must not like me because you don't come to see me anymore". W just looked at Mom and said "don't be silly" and stole a glance at me where I just kind of gave her a "I told you she doesn't know" look. I took mom home (it's a 5 hour round trip), came home and W, S16 and I spent the rest of the evening talking. When I went to bed I gave W a big hug and told her I had a really great time this week and she said "me too". And another big test. Would W come to bed with me or would she continue sleeping on the couch now that we're home?

I went to sleep and woke up about midnight and no W. Big disappointment for me. But I wasn't going to push. But lo and behold about 2:30 W comes and gets in bed with me!

Ok, Ok, I know we still have a LONG way to go, but MAN, it was just a GREAT FREAKIN WEEK. We were a COUPLE. Talked and talked about EVERYTHING (except that one big pink elephant that is in our lives). Talking about the future. Joking with each other. Minimal TM's to the enabler GF. That is very telling to me. Our trip in August W was TMing EGF almost more than she was talking to me. Not this time. They traded a couple TM's on Sunday but as best I can tell, not again until Wed. And it was then only a couple.

Phew, Sorry, I told you it was going to be long. I'll do my best to get caught up on everyone elses threads and post when I can. I just hope this continues now that we're home and it just wasn't a vacation bump.

[Hope4us]

Oh, and one more thing. One of the days we did the "pick a pearl" thing at the Japanese place. You get to pick an oyster out of the water, they open it and give you the pearl that's in it. Then, if you want, you can have that pearl made into a piece of jewelry. One day we picked one and were trying to decide what to get it made into and I suggested a ring. W looked at her fingers and made a motion like she was trying to figure out which finger she was going to wear it on and she said, if we get it made into a pinkie ring I don't wear a ring on that finger! I know that might not describe it well, but she was basically saying she has a ring for her wedding ring finger and an anniversary ring for her right hand ring finger, a pinkie ring she wears on her left hand and a gold band she wears on both her middle left finger and a gold band she wears on her right thumb.

So BAM! She's thinking in terms of having her rings back on at some point.

ANOTHER GOOD THING!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

I hung on every word. I'm sitting here almost as happy as if this had happened to ME, and just thanking God for blessing you so richly during your week.

You deserved it.

Yes, you have a long way to go. But so far, everything you've done is, in my opinion, THE best way to go about the VERY difficult task of DBing where infidelity is involved. You've combined both the "tough" and the "love" of tough love, and done so in a patient, principled manner, and it's obviously working.

I can almost hear the other women posters swooning now over your entire story, especially the LM, your intervening at the bar, and the tender way you led your wife.

Hell, I'm a GUY, and I'M swooning. lol

More later; just ecstatic for you right now. Please consider that the circumstances during your week -- the perfect weather, the girl flirting with you, the guy flirting with your wife -- weren't coincidences.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

That's FANTASTIC, H4U!

What a beautiful thing. REALLY happy for you, man. Your an inspiration.

Puppy is dead on. No coincidences there.

[whatdidido]

I am soooo happy for you! You've gotten over a big bump. It will still be hard, but it will be downhill from here, believe me. You da man!!!! I was thinking like Puppy....You handled it all so perfectly....

[kat727]

I am a swooning too!! So very happy that you are past "Wednesday"(hump day) as far as the week of DB goes. I think you have done so much right and I am very proud of you.

kat

[Hope4us]

Thank you guys. I'm sitting her kind of crying again. Both because of the GREAT friends I have here, people who don't know me from Adam who support me (and everyone else here) with such compassion and because Ohio State lost to Penn State when they had the game in hand only to lose on a stupid fumble towards the end of the game. Ok, maybe one more reason.

After the game W and I watched Saturday Night Live. Don't know if anyone has been watching the past couple months or not, but the Tina Fey/Sarah Palin gigs have been the BEST. Anyway, after SNL, W and I went to bed TOGETHER and commenced another STEAMY session. After, we fell asleep with me spooning her as tightly as I could. Man it feels GOOD.

Again, still a long way to go, but it seems like we're in that second honeymoon period. I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts, continue to be patient until W is ready to talk. But I see it coming.

It's funny, I've had a couple of triggers the past week, but they haven't been as difficult to deal with. They haven't lasted as long or been as intense as before. I seem to snap out of them more easily.

I thought of one more thing from Disney that I think shows W is really making the effort (besides the obvious). My family has kept excellent family history records since my great, great, great grandparents emigrated to the U.S. from England in 1837. They lived in this little town named Old Swan that was at the time a "suburb" of Liverpool. As Liverpool grew it swollowed up Old Swan so now it's just the Old Swan neighborhood of Liverpool. Anyway, I was in the English Pub at Epcot getting a couple of drinks for W and I and I saw where the bartender was from Liverpool. So I started talking to him. Told him my quickie family history and he said "That's the neighborhood I grew up in (Old Swan)!". Now in the past, W would always discount and almost belittle me when I'd meet someone at Epcot and share my family history with them. So I walked out of the Pub and was telling the W of the couple we were with about the bartender and also about how W always pooh pooh's this kind of thing and W walked up. She heard the story and just kind of gave me her normal "whatever" look and I just looked at the other W and said "I told ya"! So a couple minutes later W starts asking me about the bartender etc. She's TRYING. And God it feels good.

Thanks again everyone. I almost feel guilty to be sharing how well things seem to be going with all the other pain on this board. I hope others can find some inspiration to keep trying. You never know how things can turn out if you are patient enough and love without expectations.