Sir- The biggest thing I realized as I read my posts was how up and down I was......emotional rollercoaster. I am more stable in my thinking now. DOn't think that every day isn't still a struggle. Marriage is hard work. It is not easy. It is the hardest thing and I always thought it should be easy. That's why I say to the LBS, don't give up. This is hard on you, but hard on the wayward spouse as well....very hard....to go on faith, to act on faith, to trust something when you don't feel it, and to put forth the effort when another option not only seems easier, but is what you seem to be pulled toward.
We had a talk today. We both cried. We are both struggling with our past. We realize that before we were married, we had the love and excitement and passion we should, but the moment we got married we became the "old married couple" right away. It was like we were the 90 year old couple rocking in the chairs together. Fine for when we are 90, but not at our age!!!! We're working on it. We have so many regrets and we have learned to not dwell on the past, but once in a while we need to talk about it. TOnight was that night and it was painful. At the end of it, though, we got to a good place and talked future. Before, we would have ended it crying and hopeless.
