For the Guy with Kids and a WW Dix-Sept

[hopeful4her]

I was waiting for ya', kat. Hope all is good with the Rodeo.

I believe that I need to stay as dark as possible. I keep trying this and trying that. No matter how I say I feel about her, good or bad, I keep doing SOMETHING. I can't do it anymore.

karen, when we are together like last night, I can FEEL it. I know what I'm fighting for. Earlier today, forget it. She isn't worth it. She can't give me what I need. I keep repeating this. She is broken and I can't fix her.



I called the apartment when I got out of work to let the girls know I was on my way. The wife threw me off by answering. I told her that I just wanted to let the girls know I was on my way. She said ok and practically hung on me again.

I think the dark thing is going to be easier this time for me.

I get to the apartment and she lets me in. She looks uptight. I walk in and my MIL and her H are there. They leave pretty quickly and he tells me hello. No handshake or anything, not that I really care. Not even a glance from MIL. Just right past me. The girls are seated at the dinner table and the wife is standing next to it. The ALL have a look like something was just said. What kind of announcement did the wife just make to everyone to have them look so glum?

D7 comes over to me and stands next to me. I sit on the sofa and I can tell she was crying. I ask her what was going on. I look at D11 and she has the same face. The wife has a scowl. I ask again why the tears. The wife starts to tell me that they were talking about what happened last night.

I start to hold my breath.

They were talking about Juli falling off the scooter and D11 had to interject that it was because she wasn't listening to me. D7 got pissed and was upset about what D11 said. She was embarrassed. Since that happened, the wife jumped on D11's case big time. She must have really gone off. All within the last 20 minutes. I comfort D7 and remind that we had already discussed her being a better listener. D11 is upset that she got yelled at by the wife and goes to her room. The wife just has a look of frustration. D7 is settled down and talking. The wife goes to talk to D11. Don't know what was said. The wife comes back out after about 10 minutes. I announce that we need to get going. The wife starts to call her work to let them know she was late already.

We leave and no words exchanged between the wife and I as we take off. I try to talk to the girls a little. D7 is okay now, but D11 is still upset and quiet. Of course, I can change that quickly or my name ain't H4H. I use my humor and she is okay too. I ask if they were arguing when I called. D11 says no, that she thinks it was right after. She says she heard her mom talking to me and the MIL said that she didnt' want to be there when I got there.

Now I find that really odd. Something was told to her or something. Maybe the wifes older sister told her about the visit from the aunt from Laredo. The wife hasn't spoken to her older sister in months, I found out.

At home, the girls decide that it is time for their own rooms so we work on moving stuff around. Lots of cleaning. D11 has always been back and forth on having her own room. Mostly too chicken, but we all talked about it early on this week and its what they both want now. They are a work in progress but not too bad.

I did have a talk with the girls when we got home. B had called me on the way home and we spoke a little. The girls and I sat on my bed and I told them that I wish we didn't have drama anymore, but we just have to deal with drama. It will always be around. Especially right now with every thing so new to us. I let them know that I DO NOT have a girlfriend, but sometimes I wish I did.
D7 says, "Aaaaw, daddy your married. You can't have a girlfriend because you have a wife, right?"

I agree with her. I also let D11 know that yes, a lot of friends are calling me and wanting to hang out with me again. Boys and girls. And yes, the girls might want to be my girlfriend, but that is not what I want. I like talking to them, but I am still having hope that everything will turn around. I let them know that they are the most important thing in the world to me. IN THE WORLD. I also tell them that I need to take care of myself and I will. Mom has made a decision, but anything can happen. I will wait and see.

I think tonight, after we finish doing our stuff, I'm going to introduce them to "Young Frankenstein". Right now, they are both asleep. Tuckered out.

When I see the wife like she was last night, it makes things hard.

When I saw her today, in the mood she was in, it makes it WAY easy to know which way I need to move in.

Far away.

I'm back to the place of not caring and not wanting to DO anything, anymore.

Just taking it day by day by day by day......