Hey LE! Thanks for dropping by my thread. You and I are in different worlds, so I'm a bit leery of whether I can offer anything useful. I had typed one up a few days ago, but it didn't get submitted. Grrr...bad mouse button! Bad!
Listening to the pain of your kids when they leave is heart-rending for me. I can only imagine. I've got the kids 5 days every two weeks. Monday night. Friday night and alternate Saturday nights. I don't have to wait long and neither do they. Although the youngest one has started crying for mommy within a few hours of arriving. Ack!
There's two words I hate about co-parenting: custody and communication book. One good idea my W had is to rebadge those words to "Sleepover at daddy's" and "Team Book". When we told the the girls, we said we were separating and dad would live somewhere else and they could have sleepovers at daddy's. It's funny, as a parent I can say "Sleepover at Daddy's" with a high level of enthusiasm. It sounds way better than "Spending time with your dad". That worked fairly well at the beginning. I should start using that language again...although the older one, D6, is a bit beyond that now. heh heh.
The team book is great because it takes the emotional sting out of sharing vital co-parenting information. Communication book just reminds me of a negative relationship headed towards divorce. "Team book" is positive and leaves choices open.
I feel for your situation because your W is trying to fix a need in herself with someone else, not realizing that she needs to fix it herself and not with things/people.
I'll pray for her. I'll pray without any expectation of any particular result, but just hope that God/the Great Spirit will find a way to heal that need.
I'll pray for you, too.
H42 W36 M9 yrs D8 D5 d-day: 21/11/07 S and moved out: 22/2/08 Still S: 22/11/10
I feel for your situation because your W is trying to fix a need in herself with someone else, not realizing that she needs to fix it herself and not with things/people.
If only she would realize what you and I and so many others here and that know her have seen! You understand my frustration.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
LE, I don't know if you've ever considered a personality disorder as a probability for your W. I know have for mine. I found this and it's an interesting read nonetheless.
Tom--Thanks for the link. It sounds a lot like my W for sure. I just hate the thought of going to court, but reading the "Strap on the armor of God," line is almost a call to action for me to defend my kids against her corrupt mind. My W's fantasy world just continues it seems. I am sitting her baffled that people are singing her praises for the good job she did while in the position she is now walking away from, not aware of all the chaos she is causing for our children.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Hey, LE! I hope you have big plans for the weekend...so far, I've been grocery shopping with the kids...exhausting! But, we have S6's 1st football game tomorrow. Aside from having to see H, the game will be fun. S6 is excited! I think a friends kid is playing on the opposing team. I guess I could just talk to friend and his W instead of H. That would be a 180 for sure!
At any rate, I took a few days off, and I feel better. I hope you are okay. I haven't read everything I've missed...so, I'm not sure, but I take it as a positive (for me anyway) that you are still here rather than in Surviving!
Hugs to you! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Amy--Really no change for me. W took kids to see family and football game out of town. I am completely detached and W seems sort of curious in phone calls, like she wants to chat, but I really have nothing to say. Sort of hurting today, missing our family group and just frustrated that she would do this to our kids.
I used to do the lion's share of the grocery shopping and the kids would always go with me. It would be a chore if we went to Target or Wal-Mart, because that would become a toy/clothes trip as well. I didn't mind though, I always liked showing them things and buying them stuff that I liked when I was their age. W hated shopping so I wonder how she is adapting?
Glad you were able to get away for a few days. I read on your thread that you found a sense of peace through all of this. That is good. I'll go catch up now on yours and other's threads.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
HEy LE, steady posted in my other thread about loving Johnny Cash and I had an epiphany. Both steady and I remember that the reason we loved the man in black was because of our fathers. Then it hit me, there's perfect proof that what we do as parents has an effect on our children even into adulthood.
These people who believe that the kids will be oK and they're resilient; aren't fully aware.
Just wanted to share that with you. Enjoy your weekend the best that you can.
Then it hit me, there's perfect proof that what we do as parents has an effect on our children even into adulthood.
These people who believe that the kids will be oK and they're resilient; aren't fully aware.
My greatest frustration!
I wish my W could see what she is doing to our kids. S9 already knows that his Mom is messing up, D6 has it pretty well figured out I think. The only one who doesn't is my W and OM, they are off in dreamland thinking that their new blended family is going to be the Brady Bunch.
Two weeks into their relationship I found an e-mail from W to OM that said, "I look forward to growing old with you and our families being together." What a kick to the gut that was! I found that on a Wednesday and she filed for D the following Friday. His reply was so syrupy, "You hold my heart in the palm of your hand. We've shared more love in two weeks than most people know in a lifetime." In W's mind I'm sure it plays out as she was driven to do it because I was such a bad H. I just wish I knew what the future held for my kids.
How can my W just walk away thinking that we exercised every available option to save our M? How could she be so selfish as to put herself before our kids?
So absolutely frustrating for me.
Last edited by Little Engine; 10/25/0808:16 PM.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
