D and I are on fall break from school. Unfortunately I have the same virus as all the kids I've been seeing and only want to sleep.
Sorry to hear that. My kids and I have had a virus going through our family too. If it's the coughing/sore throat one, it lasts a while too I hate to say!!! I hope you do feel better soon. Karen
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
It's been a nice quiet week with H in Virginia; he returns today, but won't see D until tomorrow he told her. I need to get some control over this visitation business, because he doesn't like to communicate with me about it. Basically he'd prefer to pretend I don't exist. But that's his problem. She's 12, she doesn't need the responsibility of making these decisions. He's never answered the email I sent earlier in the week about money; I didn't really expect him to, it was mostly documentation of an ongoing problem. And yes, I know he has email access because he has a blackberry; he typically doesn't answer my emails until it's absolutely necessary--if then. I'm sad to say that this still affects me emotionally; I wish it didn't, but one of my big buttons is being invisible. That sends me into a tailspin. Gotta get control of that in this situation.
So I need to come up with a plan for D on Sunday so I have control over whether or not she visits him. I don't feel great yet, but hopefully I will be better tomorrow. This morning I have a funeral--the first I will have attended since I left my old job (in which I arranged the funerals).
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I haven't posted in a while but I read all of your posts. I have nothing to add because reading your posts are like reading my life for the past 2+ years since High School girlfriend OW walked on the scene. H does the same thing to me, he doesn't meet the obligations that the court sets for him but takes me back to court the minute I am late in meeting mine. H doesn't answer email unless he wants something...and we have been divorced for more than a year.
The funny thing to me is that my H has never had a personal relationship with God and your has always...but they act pretty much the same and are very close to the same age. Hmmmm!!
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Well, see, here's the thing. I'm not sure at all that H has ever had a personal relationship with God. It's really kind of all been about externals and affirmation, and not really about prayer, meditation or service. It's kind of always been about him, which is probably why he sees nothing inconsistent with his current lifestyle and continuing toward priesthood (altho I think the powers-that-be disagree).
At the beginning what attracted me to him (we were friends a long time before we were romantic) was that he took his faith seriously; he could really talk a good story. I thought we were quite "equally yoked." Over the years I've come to understand differently. He's veered further and further off from that person who was my friend and supporter, and then there was this final, sudden shift in priorities in May.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
It was really weird to be at a funeral in my church and not have an active part in it! The folks were very happy to see me, it was nice. The pastor and organist/youth minister/business manager/all-things-to-all-people man ignored me, of course, which was fine with me. My favorite funeral director was there (yes, there are actually some genuinely kind people in that business!) but I didn't get a chance to talk with him.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
The pastor and organist/youth minister/business manager/all-things-to-all-people man ignored me, of course, which was fine with me. My favorite funeral director was there (yes, there are actually some genuinely kind people in that business!) but I didn't get a chance to talk with him.
Forgive me for being judgmental just this once:
I wonder which of these folks truly know God, and His Son, personally, and which ones are just the religious Pharisees of our day.
The pastor and organist/youth minister/business manager/all-things-to-all-people man ignored me, of course, which was fine with me. My favorite funeral director was there (yes, there are actually some genuinely kind people in that business!) but I didn't get a chance to talk with him.
Forgive me for being judgmental just this once:
I wonder which of these folks truly know God, and His Son, personally, and which ones are just the religious Pharisees of our day.
Um, on second thought, no, actually, I don't.
Puppy
I agree with you! The pastor's just clueless; to be more specific, he chooses not to see what's going on, because he's certainly intelligent enough to pick up on it. It's his first pastorate--in his late '50's--in the parish he grew up in; he's highly insecure about running a parish, so has delegated practically everything to a workaholic control freak. He essentially dabbles, doing what he wants and delegating what he's less secure about. Knowing God? Hey, he studied in Rome, he's a brilliant man, can reel off all kinds of facts and information. But it's all in his head, there's nothing at all in his heart. And the other guy? It's all about power, control and recognition to him. Too bad, because he has some real gifts. But he'll be the downfall of the community if allowed to continue as he is, because he's alienated so many people who aren't in his clique. You'd think that getting in a p*ssing contest with the Altar Society about a mailing would be a red flag to the pastor and even to himself--but no, the elderly sweet ladies got called on the carpet and told they were nothing but a problem. It's so absurd it's almost funny, but it's really hurtful to a lot of people. For years it's been like watching the Emperor and his new clothes--it's fairly obvious what's going on, but everyone's too afraid to ruffle the feathers. It's a really great community, too, predominantly a healthy one, which makes it even more sad.
The funeral director? Now there's the man in touch with God.
Last edited by hoosiermama; 10/26/0803:49 PM.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
LOL!! Just got an email from H, as we're trying to work out visiting arrangements for the week. Says he'll need to devote some time to completing the "discovery documents that I requested".
First of all, it's never a problem for me to have my daughter with me as much as possible. Not an inconvenience, not in the way. So having her more often this week isn't a negative consequence of completing divorce paperwork (in the divorce that he filed).
Second of all, I didn't request any documents. It's standard procedure in divorce cases in this state to submit a financial disclosure statement, which I did a month ago at his attorney's request--knowing it's just part of the initial process. Now he's inconvenienced by completing the same documents, which are standard. Gosh, I hate to tell you H, but there's some work, some inconvenience and some outright pain to this process that you wanted, even for those who are entitled to happiness and self-actualization with their soulmates outside the marriage. This is cracking me up; he may have to grow up just a little bit and he's whining about it.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
