yay I am glad you went out! yee haw for you! did you drink a tall cold one for me?? if you didnt you better do it tonite! I think it was good you went, and that you didnt try and stop her when u got back, yeah karma is a beotch, I would like some karma out here in my neck of the woods lol! hugs tom
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I laughed at your post and karma is a wonderful thing. I envy you your strength at the moment. Positive talk is good, but remember don't peg your happiness to it. This is one hell of a roller coaster ride. Whats good today , can be gone tommorrow. Guard up !
Max, thanks. You know what I've come to realize is that I have no REAL control over her. I can't make her stay here and love me anymore than she can make me stay. What I've really gotten to see in this whole sitch is that I am happier when I'm not around her. I'm happier since I've set the kids and my life up so that we don't have to depend on her. When she helps; now it's just an added bonus. I thank her for it; and then I don't expect it again.
Ultimately, I've discovered that I'm happy by myself and have come to realize that life without her as my W sounds very titillating. So I know I'll be fine if we D. I'm still not sure that's the road I'm traveling; and I certainly don't want my kids to have to suffer that. But I'm ready if it comes to that.
So my strength is that I know she's on her path; whether it's toward healing or leaving, it's not my choice. I really just want her to be happy and strong for the kids. They need their mother as much as they need me; God willing we'll stay together and be happy as a couple.
I wish I was at that place where I know i can be happy without H. I do have fleeting moments of it.
It might be different for you because you are the one wronged where I was the one doing the wrong. My H used to say he was happier away from me. Horrible to hear and that is why I try to create some good times together. Then fear is that I come across needy. Truth be told , I probably am.
It is heartening to hear you are not over and done yet though. So even though you know your happy on your own , you are open to change.
I think that what I need to see is that she is happy too. But for me to consider reconciliation, she would have to be happy and her actions and behaviors would have to indicate that she would be happy to be in the M. I don't want to reconcile if she's happy and she's only here because she can't go anywhere else. It would take her showing a full commitment to the M. What does that look like? I'm not sure; I know that, today, it would be a whole lot less going out; more responsibility at home being taken; no lengthy texting volleys with other guys; no more on-line dating accounts; and some intense MC for the both of us.
Before reconciliation, I want to be in a better place as well. I want a good core group of local guy friends. I have been lacking that since we moved here. In fact, she's been pushing me for about 6 months to accomplish just that. I want to be involved in at least 2 activities outside of the house. I want some IC under my belt so that I can set proper boundaries since it appears that I'm married to an individual who has BPD tendencies. I want the finances to be in better order.
So I'm going to accomplish the things that I can for myself and wait to see what my W does. Now, it may turn out that I recognize a different situation and may still want to reconcile. IOW, what I think today is my standard for reconciliation is, at its best, a very dynamic set of standards.
In fact, this post may help me set some goals in my re-working of the initial set I started DB-ing with.
I started to post earlier and say pretty much the same thing breakaway did. Your W is a pathological liar it seems. That is a reality escape if ever there was one and the sign of a person that is really unhappy with herself.
Originally Posted By: mC
The Man in Black is my all time favorite. I had a Snoopy guitar when I was a kid and I used to get up on the coffee table and say "I'm Johnny Cash".
Found this somewhere else and it made me laugh. When I was a kid, the two biggest people I knew were Johnny Cash and my dad.
Ok, now I'm definitely sticking around here. Johnny Cash was my favorite. Broke my heart when he died. I told people he was another link to my dad (who died in 1998). The night before Cash died I was talking to my W about going to see him in a concert somewhere. I saw him at a small venue at Lido Beach...maybe a couple hundred people when I was around 20. My dad used to play all his records when I was growing up - the music was in my house all day long, every day.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
steady, that's exactly why I liked Johnny Cash. My dad played his 8 tracks over and over again.
Sorry, your dad died young like that; I lost my dad in 2004 to heart failure.
It's amazing and it's proof that the things we experience as young children have a profound effect on us in adulthood. That's why all this "the kids will rebound" crap is just that, crap.
That's why I fight the good fight and hope the Good Lord will see to my W.
mC, I'm reading between the lines & it seems like you are at a place of no expectations. That is a great place to be. All stress is caused from frustrated expectations.
Thanks for visiting me.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
