I think that what I need to see is that she is happy too. But for me to consider reconciliation, she would have to be happy and her actions and behaviors would have to indicate that she would be happy to be in the M. I don't want to reconcile if she's happy and she's only here because she can't go anywhere else. It would take her showing a full commitment to the M. What does that look like? I'm not sure; I know that, today, it would be a whole lot less going out; more responsibility at home being taken; no lengthy texting volleys with other guys; no more on-line dating accounts; and some intense MC for the both of us.
Before reconciliation, I want to be in a better place as well. I want a good core group of local guy friends. I have been lacking that since we moved here. In fact, she's been pushing me for about 6 months to accomplish just that. I want to be involved in at least 2 activities outside of the house. I want some IC under my belt so that I can set proper boundaries since it appears that I'm married to an individual who has BPD tendencies. I want the finances to be in better order.
So I'm going to accomplish the things that I can for myself and wait to see what my W does. Now, it may turn out that I recognize a different situation and may still want to reconcile. IOW, what I think today is my standard for reconciliation is, at its best, a very dynamic set of standards.
In fact, this post may help me set some goals in my re-working of the initial set I started DB-ing with.
