bad wording there. When I found out about the affair in June, I moved home with mom and dad. I didn't spend any time with my wife over the next 4 months until only recently. I predict that I'll be in pain until early next year or later. We have a 2 year old, and everytime he says 'mommy and daddy' I am reminded of the A. I'd imagine on holidays I'll be reminded as well. Don't expect him to soon forget. He may forgive, but forgetting is another battle. I forgive my wife, and we spend time together with our son now, but she is pregnant from another man. There is no forgetting that.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
Your pain grew less?, Your heart grew fonder ? Did you get grow further apart from her?
I just wish I did not miss him. I see the OM every now and again and his family seems all very happy or at least in tact. Why can my H not see that we could have a stronger and better marriage. I torture myself over this question.
By not having contact with her, I started to grow less fond, almost despise her; my pain stayed about the same; I couldn't understand how my wife could ruin the lives of everyone involved by having an affair, especially my son's, but I have to remember her head was in the clouds
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
We definitely grew apart. Once my wife filed for divorce and the custody hearing papers came in the mail, it finally hit her what she was doing. Remember though, if OM didn't leave her, they'd still be together.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
3 and a half weeks ago I told my wife I was done playing games, and to find some other guys head to mess with, and she came running back, SOMEWHAT
now, for the last 3 weeks, we've spent time together with our son, eating dinner, renting a movie or two, taking son to the park, stuff like that....
But, we've also held hands, slept in our bed together a few nights too.
Obviously by now I've come to realize she is alone and has no one, so now I'm good enough to be around. It is above and beyond most likely that since she is living alone and the OM is gone, she is telling herself and me too that she wants to work things out with me just because she knows I have always wanted to work things out.
A few things.....she knows I don't sit around waiting for her, and that I go out and do things without her. She has some SMALL concept of what she has done to me and us, though not enough for me to trust her.
On the other hand, she doesn't have to cuddle with me or hold my hand or text me all the time if she just wants someone to keep her company. There is physical attraction or longing.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
I am admitting I am backsliding with great velocity, and I need to stop. I have set boundaries as far as her not talking to or seeing OM, and I am free to check her phone and call records when I choose.
I am asking for advice on how to put some distance between us, just enough to get her to really see I'm not messing around. I don't accept all invites, but most.
On the plus side, she went back to church for the first time since the bomb :-)
Baby steps
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
Unless I'm missing something (and as you know, I'm pretty familiar with your sitch), this is as simple as telling her that if she wants to reconcile, then there are certain conditions that are going to apply, and then laying out -- and enforcing -- what those are.
Is she willing to enter into a 100% no-contact/transparency plan with you?
