I see these getting more dusty with almost every interaction with H.
Exactly, and there's way too much interaction going on between the two of you. It's nearly impossible to detach and not get caught up in the drama when H can call you anytime knowing that you will answer. Knowing that you will be there.
I think he needs to see - not hear - that you are tired of this and you are not going to wait any longer. You are going to move on. You're not going to talk to him unless it has to do with the kids and ONLY THE KIDS. If the conversation begins to steer towards something other than that - i.e., he wants to talk about work, an accident, something about the Troll, the weather - NO. PUT A STOP TO IT. Tell him you are very busy (be totally vague) and have to go. If he starts to get upset, say, "I'm really sorry, H, but I really got to go. Have a good day, bye." Then HANG UP. If he tries calling or texting back, IGNORE IT and DO NOT respond even if he says something to piss you off.
I honestly believe you need to stop being his emotional support system. You continue to be TOO available to him. I know you've said before that you know what it's like to not have anyone, so I understand why this is so hard for you. It's hard for many of us, myself included. It took me the longest time to just finally say to myself, "*Sigh* F it. I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here and wait for something that MIGHT happen or MIGHT NOT. I am wasting away here." So I let go. Completely. I finally quit being there for my H. I was kind and friendly when we talked, but I never let the convo steer away from the kids, even when he wanted to talk about us. I would end it and walk away because I was through trying to believe the BS he kept giving me. I was tired of eating crumbs. At first, it used to make him mad that I would ignore him, but the more I did it, the more he REALIZED he was losing me, and it scared him. Just a few months later, he came to me wanting to reconcile and moved back in on MY terms.
As you know, it hasn't worked out for my sitch, and that is because my H came back far worse than he was when he first left. Your H is getting help whereas my H wasn't and isn't. That's a big positive you've got going for your sitch right there.
These cheeseless tunnels are getting you nowhere. Time for change. Time to do something different. A real 180.
(((((Corey)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
