I picked up the boys from school yesterday and delivered them to W since she was running late in trying to pick them up herself. I seem to be doing that a lot lately, but I am doing this for our S's, not for her.
She took them to see the Walking with Dinosaurs Live show last night. And I went to my little Christian social/bible study. I tried to call W's cellphone(s) to say goodnight to the boys, but only got her voicemail, which if they were arriving for the show at that time it would be understandable. So I left a nice message and hoped they had a great time with their mommy at the dinosaur show.
Then later that evening, I apparently missed her return call -- I got a return voicemail. And I got the voicemail expecting to hear my S's voices returning the "goodnight" I left them, but it was W; she didn't relay anything about the kids or the show -- she just told me that the couple who had made the two offers on our house this week have come back with a final offer after haggling with our agent. It's not the 34k below our minimum or the 20k below our minimum but now is at the 15k below our minimum -- and W is ready to jump on the deal.
I checked the date and time stamp of the voicemail just to make sure this wasn't some late arriving message (my phone tends to report messages and pages later than it should), but it was sent about 9 PM last night. So, W's focus was squarely on our selling of the house, not on our children. Made me sad and disgusted.
I talked to my friends after our study was over, mentioning the message I had just received. They think I should try to refi the house, buy W out, and take on a boarder if need be. Then sell the house for full profit in the future when the economy picks back up. My friend "M" showed the others the pics of my sons bedrooms on the web, and said I should keep the house for that reason alone.
I've gotten conflicting points of views so far from both family and friends. I wouldn't even be considering this if it weren't for the fact that by selling under these terms the house would go for a bit less than what we had (or I thought we had) both agreed upon as our absolute minimum when we started this.
I called my sons this morning to try to talk to them. S7 was still asleep (very, very tired out from yesterday) but S3 was awake and talked a little. He loved the dinosaurs show, and enthusiastically tried to describe everything he saw. I thanked his mommy for taking them.
But instead of waking S7 to talk to me, W got on the phone with me again and gave me more spiel about the offer on the house. She talked and talked and I patiently listened. The gist of it is from what I gathered that she is tired of being in debt (apparently against her own better judgement she has run up her credit cards again by moving into her apartment) and she had not expected the selling of the house to have gotten so sketchy. She wants out and wants to settle her debts with the profits. While we would be selling the house for about 20-25k less than what it is really worth, the large amount of equity we've built up in the house would be enough such that her half would free her completely from her mounting debt. (This explains how she was able to afford a house note and an apartment lease, plus all of the other extravagances she's indulged in -- basically she can't. This is sooo unlike the woman I had married.)
She put it like I could either (A) call the agent and tell him we'll accept the offer to sell, or (B) contact our mortgage broker and see about whether I could refinance the house in my name alone, take some of the payoff (I don't understand where she thinks there would be any -- but I am not that knowledgeable) to buy her out and let her off the hook. I would keep the house but have to take up a sizeable monthly payment, close to double the apartment rent, plus all of the maintenance (the air conditioning unit is on its last legs and needs replacement) and upkeep.
Either way, she could pay her debts and be free.
While I didn't expect her to, she didn't mention the third option rolling around my head while she was giving me her "assessment" -- option (C) would be for the two of us to reconcile and move back into the house together, saving us both a huge amount of expense and preserving our investment in the property and in this family. But that is obviously the last thing on her mind. Then again, she hasn't shown any level of trustworthiness in the last 17 months to warrant my risking anything on her ability to commit to anything financial, marital or moral.
I still don't know why she has thought me moving into the house is such agreat idea unless she expects me to refi and buy her out. I've told her all along it's just too expensive a prospect. I didn't like being house-poor on two salaries (okay, one and a half salaries) let alone just one -- I think being house poor had been a serious handicap to our marital situation to begin with.
I hold out no hope for W. She's fallen back on her old ways and embracing now what she once considered naive mistakes. I know she's still "dating" the OM (I got wind she went to a movie with the SOB last weekend -- they went to see the new Billy Graham biography, no less -- what gall!) All I want is to hold onto my relationship with my sons, and to minimize the impact that their mother's selfishness is wreaking on them and their lives. I am determined that they will grow up knowing right from wrong, to have a moral compass, to love and follow Christ, and to want to be good strong men.
I tried to tell W I want to think about this some more. She said we can't sit on this offer too long or they'll move on to another house. She was insistent that I call the agent and let him know ASAP. I told her I wanted time to consider this, to look at some numbers. She got mad and defensive at this, saying I never listen to her and never trust anything she has to say. While I started to say to her that she was no longer a person worthy of my trust, I instead said that she just continues to put words in my mouth. I also said it's unlikely the agent would be able to do anything until Monday anyway.
I will do some serious praying and thinking this weekend -- I have no intention of doing anything before Monday, and they will all have to understand that. I would prefer time to contact my L with this last minute information, but I don't think I'm going to get the opportunity. It's all at an unfortunate, busy, busy time for me -- too much on my plate as it is this week.
