I decided to start a new thread today, and ask if there is anyone out there that has experience with a spouse abusing alcohol in response to or in conjunction with MLC.
I know that my h has a problem. I truly believes he needs help, but know I can't be the one to offer/give it to him. I'm thinking of turning to his friends and asking for their help. I did once mention his drinking several months ago, and he of course flatly denied it as a problem. However, last month when I stopped by his place to drop the kids off for his weekend he was passed out drunk. I was able to wake him enough to know that he wasn't just asleep. I've never seen him or anyone in that kind of shape.
Our marriage may be over, we're separated and have been for 3 months. He said he has "issues" to work on during this time, but who knows what that means. I told him that if working on his issues got him to that point he was in, then there is something very wrong.
The problems with our marriage and where we are at now aside, I still care for him so deeply and I worry about what he is doing to himself and the impact this has on our family. How do I help him?
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
(((TCBTE))) I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post and I feel for you.
My H has also been spending huge amounts of time in the bar, 3x4 times a week and then driving home drunk. He used to be quite a party guy before we met and I see this behavior as part of his retreat back to that time of his life, and his MLC.
I think that all we can do is show loving concern. We can't make anyone get help, who doesn't want it. That being said, I think I would have a huge problem with the drinking if I thought that it was going on when/where my kids were involved. It's his weekend for the kids and he's passed out drunk when you get there?
If children are involved you have every right to make sure he gets some help. At least counseling. I would involve the authroities.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hope may be right about the authorities. You can never leave your kids in a situation like that. Trust me I am a child of an alcoholic. It is very difficult. You are very lucky that you have never seen that before. I have seen it, the pass out, too many times to care anymore. My father, grandfather, uncle, stepfather, MIL. The list could go on for a long time. We always knew the family functions were over when my uncle would pass out with his head in the fireplace (no joke). That is when it was time for everyone to go home. Waking up to go to school to see your step father with his face in the stuffed peppers he was trying to eat at 3 am sucks too.
You can't really help him. But you have to protect your children. I can not stress that enough. This could prolong whatever he is trying to deal with but that can't be your concern right now. Alanon and Alateen are wonderful resources.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
My H comes from a family that lives surround around drinking. FIL and MIL done alot of drinking in their day. That's what they do for entertainment. So H has always drank. Sometimes not so much sometimes too much. But when MLC hit he drank and drank and drank. That's all he did in the beginning. Many many nights out at all hours of the night drunker than h*ll driving around either to or from OW or with her. Was in many ditches and only God knows where. I was so scared that he would end up in jail, or dead, or even worse hurt someone else. Obviously God watched over him and got him through it.
It's been 18 months since the "bomb". H still drinks but back to like before. A couple here and there and weekends with family. Not getting slobbering drunk and out driving anymore. Thank GOD.
I've lived with alcoholism all my life. F, B's, S, GF, FIL, MIL, H, IL's. I went to many AA,Alanon,and Alateen meetings growing up. I knew when H started this that I couldn't say or doing anything to stop him. If I tried it would only get worse. The only thing I could do is pray for him. I did and he got through it, I hope. If not I can't help him. It's HIS life, HIS choice.
Our D's are 17 and 14. Old enough to make their own choices. But when H was drinking really heavily I just stopped suggesting they spend time with him. They didn't want to be there anymore than I believe he wanted them there. Time not spent with them is his lost in the end. Sad but again, nothing we can do to change it.
Good luck and best wishes, TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
