Might look at patterns . If I were to hazzard a guess , I would say after a good day, which is followed by a bad day, I get frustrated. Recently they have been more like periods of time. Sometimes i can pin a reason to a bad time and others not.
Tonight i am so P#$$%ed off. It is Saturday night and i am home alone. H is not answering my calls or texts which frustrates the hell out of me. It feels like he is trying to prove something or tell me something ......'like I am single and i dont answer to you.' My question to him was tax related and I needed an answer. Now i cannot finish a return .
Its ridiculous that i am home alone on a Saturday night. All offspring are out at parties or nightclubbing and none are coming home. We dreamed of evenings like this and here they are and I am all alone.
I wish i had the guts to pursue divorce and all that , that means.
I was angry before like this and you said swap all the me and i for H in my venting. That was eye opening and I felt for him , BUT How long do I keep being vulnerable and nice and available when I see nearly nothing in return. You could be right, i need to see a C. I have been putting this off for fear that i turn away from the M in order to heal myself. Maybe its all to late. I want to swear my head off.
I think i need some new rules which are particular for me.
1. NEVER EVER CALL HIM , EVEN IN EMERGENCY. 2. GO BACK TO TAKING FIRM STAND WHEN I DON'T AGREE INSTEAD OF BEING AGREEABLE. 3. HAVE IPOD FIRMLY IN EAR SO NOT TO ENGAGE IN ANY CONVERSTATION AT ALL. 4.KIDS ARE SICK OF HIM AND CALLING HIM OUT NOW ON HIS NEGLECT. I WILL NOT GET INVOLVED AND INSTEAD OF DEFENDING him I will ACKNOWLEDGE HIS SHORTCOMINGS WITH THEM. 5.BEGIN TO HATE HIM .
I may be impatient but patience feels like i am getting nowhere. I will take a passive aggressive position now.
