I knew that there were other women in my situation that were either going through or have been through the hell of rejection within a marriage. Thank you, Cathy, for offering yours words of comfort. I hope that you will find the beautiful woman inside of yourself again and find peace for you. I have been fortunate not to have had my femininity and self esteem totally taken from me, but on some days, I don't have any at all. You can regain yours, believe in yourself and come out of the cocoon that you are in to become that exquisite butterfly you are inside. Have faith and regain your confidence, but it is a long, slow and sometimes painful process.
I am curious why he left the marriage? I know that you have been on the boards for some time but I do not know your story. Thanks for listening to mine. And for your words of comfort.
H has had his hormonal level checked, and they are fine. Those test results put me in a tailspin for about two weeks. Here is a man that has normal levels of testosterone that has no interest in sex at all. I think that the medical profession has dealt me another blow. I was hoping, probably naively, that low hormonal levels were a significantly contributing cause to his lack of desire. And hormone treatment would be helpful. That is not in the cards for this marriage.
Now that it is probably all psychological, which I suspected for a long time, that is harder to deal with. At our counseling session last night, the therapist admitted that our problem was too severe for him to handle and not his area of expertise. I could have told him that day one. Nice guy, but he has no clue of what a celibate marriage is about or how destructive it is. So he is to refer us to a sexual dysfunction spacialist. We will see what happens with therapy.
I will not stop being the vibrant, attractive, confident, sexy woman that I am just because my husband can't appreciate me. It's his loss. And I will not believe in the unnatural dictates of a society that thinks that only young or slender women are the great beauties. How many men could live up to the studly ideal in the advertising copy? Very few. So why they fall for this crappy idealized woman that has no brain, point of view, or knowledge of the world is a pathetic statement about some men. Many of the most sought after women through out history were not beauties but prized for their minds, their wit and their connections. I hearken back to those days. I am not a beauty, am significantly overweight, but people are drawn to me because of my personality. If only my H could be drawn to me. There are days, especially lately, I am a messy puddle becasue I am struggling with this agonizing situation. I will continue to be who I am and what I am for myself. And by myself, if need be. I am grateful for my caring friends that understand and are supportive.
