You post really struck something in me, I totally identify with it. I am a XHD husband in distress, bailing out my little raft by myself, while my wife refuses to pick up the other bucket and help, saying there is no bucket.
“If I could I would ask him this....why, if you say you love me and you see me suffering because of your lack of interest do you not do something about it? I would ask him why, if he is fully aware of the pain I was experiencing he chose to ignore it.”
I have asked my wife this very question. I could not seem to get a real answer. She simply said, with total sincerity, that she was sorry that I was hurting so much but she had just become more asexual as time went on. She is convinced that there really is no way to change and that therapy or medication is not acceptable. She believes it is just who she is and I should accept her that way or find someone else. Well, yes, those are my two choices and eventually one or the other will win out. It’s not that she doesn’t just feel interested in sex, she doesn’t even want to feel that passionate desire. What can I say to that?
I can pretend to be able to improve the relationship by myself, I’ve struggled for years doing everything I can think of, but I’ve come to realize that self-survival within the marriage is all that is possible. I suppose I could have testoserone or something pumped into the air or water pipes.
It is sad to hear that you do not feel like a woman anymore and are disgusted by yourself. I have no doubt that you are an attractive woman with many qualities. My wife is absolutely lovely, slim (around 120 lbs) and dresses with style. She finds herself chunky, unshapely, unattractive. I want to pull out my hair when she looks in the mirror in disgust. If you are feeling unattractive I would say you need to work on rebuilding your self confidence.
I daresay probably the only thing truly unattractive about a woman is her lack of self appreciation. If you’re not seeing a counselor I think you should. Get someone to help you see that you can be attractive again. Be patient and work hard at it.
If you are happier with yourself guys WILL be attracted to you, guaranteed. I know this sounds like a chicken and egg situation but you need to realize that you’re free and need to take advantage of it. I’ve known some women that were less than slim but had plenty of self confidence, were flirty and fun. They had no problem attracting guys.
In spite of all the billboards telling what you have to be like to be beautiful, men don’t really care about a couple dozen extra pounds or a few wrinkles on a woman, if she exudes sexiness, confidence and kindness.
What good is a gorgeous model for a wife if she doesn’t care about sharing herself with you?
