Thanks for checking in on me peace, Grace and glam. There have been a few ups and downs this week but for the most part, it has been a decent week.
Sunday I did a no-no and asked my H to talk. He came over and hashed out what happened last weekend. I told him I just don't know if I can do this anymore. He said he understood my frustration and that he recognizes what a loving thing I have done for him by giving him time and space to figure things out. We talked about his unhappiness and suggested that maybe he isn't happy because he isn't at home. He also thought it would be a good idea for him to take our Monday night C session and go by himself so he could figure some things out. He told me that he does want the M to work otherwise he wouldn't be wasting his time with C. My H was able to make me feel a little better about things...but I am sure my frustrations aren't over.
Monday my H went to C. He called me after the appointment and he sounded upbeat. He said he thought the session was good for him...and for us. He and the C explored why it is that he is having such difficulty getting off the fence. My H told me a lot of things that they discussed but the thing that stood out was his acknowledgement that are easy for him now because he has no responsibilities when it comes to our relationship. He says he knows that isn't fair.
The C told my H that we need to spend more time together to reconnect and my H said he agreed. So Tuesday we talked on the phone for awhile. Wednesday night H came over for dinner. Last night we went out to dinner and had a nice time. My H came back to the house with me and was planning on spending the night but we got into a bit of disagreement (I wouldn't call it a fight). I had just asked my H if he thought I made things too easy for him. He thought it was a stupid question and didn't really understand what I was trying to get at. The more I tried to explain, the more annoyed he seemed to get. I told him I understood if he didn't want to stay the night but he still stayed. He asked me to drop the conversation and I did but there was still some lingering tension. We both feel asleep on the couch...I eventually woke up and told him I was going to bed and I left him on the couch. Shortly after he came and got in bed with me. He has spent the night a few times recently but it is still so weird to sleep with him again...I don't sleep all that well when he is here...strange since it took me so long to get used to sleeping without him. Anyway, when we woke up this morning, things we much better between us. Since it was the first time my H had spent a weeknight, it was almost like my H was seeing if he liked the routine. He did in fact. After he left, he called me on his way to work commenting on how it takes him less time to get to work from my house...oh and he also told me that he enjoyed our morning together despite the strained conversation the night before.
We have plans to go to a Halloween party tomorrow and I may go on a business trip with him next weekend. And we did talk a little about the holidays but I'm not sure my H can think that far ahead. I am making Thanksgiving plans and he can join us if he wants. My step-D wants to go on a trip with my H at Christmas...my H mentioned something about us all going but I'm not sure how that would all work out with everyone's schedule. We will just have to wait and see.
We maybe taking one small step forward and then half a step back but I need to remember that it is still progress.
