Johanna, I am in a similar situation as well. Married 1/4 of a century to a man who has made it to the 1/2 century mark. Isn't it a cruel twist of fate that when the kids were young, he was always wanting more, and I was feeling like OK I breast feed the youngest, when the youngest goes to sleep the older one wants to sit on my lap, when the older one gets off my lap, then the cat wants to sit there, then when my husband gets home from work, guess what he wants? Now, fast forward 20 years, the kids are almost grown, I want to be intimate on a regular basis, and he cannot due to the male half century mark. We have had several "state of the relationship talks", after the first talk, he goes to the DR. to find out what is wrong, he gets a prescription for "Vitamin V."
I think my husband had major performance anxiety before getting vitamin V and thus did not initiate and rejected any advances on my part. For example we could go as long as 8 months without any sex at all. About 4 months ago, I was considering a PA, and told my husband, I consider sex an important part of a marital situation, and what can I do to help you in regards to this and I know vit V can be a wonderful thing but if the desire and effort is not there, it will do us no good at all. From his perspective he needs to know that he is loved and valued outside of the bedroom, so for him I need to lay on the loving outside of the bedroom, hugs and passionate kisses drive him wild. Since he has ED (erectile dysfunction). I also need to let him know ahead of time that I am interested. Those big passionate kisses and hugs work miracles. Also, I give him promises of BJ's.
In your case:
Why not focus on him, give him the option of a BJ with nothing expected in regards to your pleasure, maybe this will help jump-start him so to speak.
Find out as I did what will help your H re-ignite the passion? My question, what can I do to help you?
Recognize, that you will get turned down, this happens on a regular basis with us, and I chalk it down to the differences in our sex drive and leave it at that
