My H decided to walk away...I need help!!!!

[courts0818]

Hi. This is my first post and I'm not sure where to begin. I decided to post bc today is my birthday and I'm feeling defeated and desperate. My H didn't even bother to acknowledge my b-day. I know we're not in a good place right now, but I really thought he would at least text me, and say "Happy Birthday." Well so much for wishful thinking.

Here's the scoop: We've been married for 7 years. We have a 2 yr old daughter. In July, I really noticed a change in him - he become more distant, he was staying out late. He wasn't interested in doing anything with me or being at home. He started putting a tremendous amount of effort into being away and not telling me where he was going/what time he would be back. I felt like nothing more than his babysitter.

In August, I was tired of feeling such distance from him so I wrote him a long letter and poured my heart out. Through that letter and failed attempts at talking things out - I was told that he wasn't happy, that he's been held back on things (I'm not sure what that even means), that things will never change and that I don't have what he needs to be happy. I was totally devastated and didn't see any of this coming.

For the past 3-4 months things have been a mess. It started with him going out on the weekends and staying out until 3:00am. Next, he started staying out all night - simply not coming home and not telling me anything. When I would ask where he was he would get angry and very defensive. I've watched his behavior and attitude get worse and worse.

So now - It has been 1 week since he spent a night at home. He never really told me he moved out - he just stopped coming home and has taken some of his things.

He works 2 jobs (so I can just work work part-time to be home with our daughter and due to the economy). At this point, he comes home for one hour each day to see our daughter. This is all the time he has between his jobs. And this is all we see of him. If he does happen to be home on the weekend it is just for a few hours during the day - when night comes and our daughter is in bed he is gone. It's like he can't stand to even be near me.

I have read DB and I'm currently reading DR. I have tried some of the techniques, but I'm having a hard time. I feel like I've tried different things and changed some habits, but H hasn't even noticed. It seems like he's not around enough to notice any changes anyway. I've been far from perfect on the techniques I have tried - my pain, anger and resentment have gotten the best of me. I've said things when I should have just kept my mouth shut. That is MUCH easier said than done...especially when the man you love turns his back on his family.

After talking to him, his mom and his boss (his boss texted me, I didn't reach out to him) I really don't think he's having an affair. I just think he's not happy. And I feel like a total failure as a wife. It's been weeks since we've tried talking about our marriage - the last time I asked where we stood he said "he didn't know what he wanted."

He's under a lot of stress at work and he's not happy in general - I think he's so unhappy he can't see things ever being good between us. He's not willing to even imagine things changing for the better.

All I want is for him to give our marriage another try. I'm trying to "stop the chase". I have only seen him when he's been home between jobs. But other than that, I haven't contacted him since last Sunday (so I'm going on a week of not texting or calling him). He has sent me a couple of text messages and emails and all I have done is responded to his messages.

I don't know - Just sitting here alone...wondering how we got to this place...getting angry because he has put no effort into working this out...it is driving me nuts. I am trying to be patient and strong, but I don't know how to keep it together.

Any thoughts or advice would truly be appreciated. I'm lost. I feel like screaming at him for not having enough consideration to even acknowledge my birthday, but I'm not going to do that.

Help??? I feel like a complete doormat.

Courtney