I have to return the compliment in thanking you for your support as well. You help me see things, that once expressed by someone other than my spouse, seems so obvious.
One thing I'd like to caution you on is assuming that there is something wrong with LDers. One of the biggest reliefs I experienced from the book was figuring out that, in fact, there was nothing wrong with me...I just happened to be a person that really didn't experience desire until things got going.
For a very long, long time, I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't experience desire the same way my husband did, the same way that 99% of TV/radio/print portrays desire. Now that I know I'm "normal," my guilt has been relieved.
Now, please understand that I have been working years to understand my hang-ups and emotional tendencies...I was sexually abused...dysfunctional family, child survivor of multiple divorces, the whole nine yards. And while all that is very sad, and logically I could see it that way...I still didn't understand why I wasn't like other people. Until this book.
God, what an undescribable relief!!!!
Everything you point out about sex, the need for it, the healthiness of it...I agree with. At least now I do. Before I read the book, you and I would have been going to the mat over my belief that your desire, and those like you, had just run amok. I never would have rationally believed, either, that some women feel the same way you do, too.
One of the very critical differences here is that I am willing to face that I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. (Not that any of you aren't willing to face that. I just wasn't willing to face it before, I guess...or just didn't know what hard work I had to do...I had no direction....very frustrating). Sometimes I'll get it, sometimes I'll muck it up...but I was willing to change.
I think your spouses would be willing to change, too...they probably want to, but just don't know how. And they just won't get it until they get it.
But you all have to keep on keeping on. If they can't change, maybe you can enough to help them 'get it.' It's a huge scientific experiment...but unfortunately, I have no answer for you on how long you all have to keep at it. I guess you all have to decide that for yourselves.
If you have noticed your spouse making incrimental changes, grab on to that. Let them revel in the small changes they have made...let them experience the positiveness of their actions...and then help them set a tad bit higher goal. One they feel they can reach. I know that it will test your endurance...
But again, we all have the limitless power to change ourselves. Ourselves only. But I guarentee that if you changes yourselves enough, your spouse will change. They have no choice.
My shrink promised me that. Once I finally believed him, and actually tried it for myself...well...whew!!!!
Take care all. I'm off to spend a short vacation with my family.
