You make some really good points and put it in a perspective that helps visualize the LD spouse’s position, it helped me understand some of my wife’s agony over having sex (although actually I don’t really mind shopping that much). Your example could be applied for each person substituting for something that they hate to do but their spouse like to help understand their LD spouse’s reactions, but not to accept the situation. The is a huge universal (although unrecognized or unaccepted) difference between the importance of sex and shopping or almost anything else. It would be closer to compare sex to eating. I know you’re thinking “wait! it’s not that way for low libbers!”, but hear me out...
What we have to remember is that humans are built to reproduce...and we are built to enjoy the act of procreation. It is a built-in mechanism so that the species will have more incentive to procreate. This is why phermones take over our ability to think "rationally" and we have sensitive areas on our bodies that when properly stimulated we are magnetically, uncontrollably compelled to engage in sexual behavior. The whole animal world is also structured around this drive.
Of course, with humans there are also additional more complex elements that make us want to copulate: social interaction, love, sense of closeness. We have moved from needing/wanting sex simply to satisfy an animalistic drive to reproduce to using it as one of the highest forms of love expression. (let’s not get into the love language thing here, as it is not really part of my point). We have progressed from using sex simply to make more of us to fill up this planet to simply enjoying one of the main benefits (pleasure). For us that are done making people the need, the drive is still there. Nature built us to keep making them for many years. Society (and our huge population) has taken away the possibility to let nature take her course and keep pumping out babies. But nature has gotten the last laugh because we still have the desire, the internal drive to keep humping away.
It is true that for many LDers the above paragraph is not applying but not because they are a different species or don’t need that physical love expression. It is not applying because there is a disfunction. Period. There is something not working. It may be physical, social, emotional or whatever but for some reason that person is unhealthy. Most likely it is not their fault, they simply need help. They may have had a bad experience, an abusive parent, out of balance diet, low self esteem, chemical interference, disease, emotional pain, the list of possibilities goes on forever. If, as a society, we were to treat this low libido condition for the disfunction that it really is instead of accepting it as a different lifestyle, and go after the problem like we go after other diseases there would be a lot more happy people out there, fewer broken marriages and families...
Having a healthy sex life is as important to everyone’s well-being as having a balanced diet. Sure our dietary needs change over our life span. The trick is figuring out which “vitamins” the each person needs to balance their sex health. In our modern world there are so many factors, so many dysfunctional elements to our lives that are messing us up; sex, like an abused child, is one of the victims of our troubles and the absence of it becomes a perpetrator of other problems...a vicious cycle.
The problem that most of us HDers here are having is getting our spouses to: 1) recognize that there is a problem, that healthy sex is part of a healthy individual 2) care enough about the relationship to seek solutions 3) have the willpower to work on it for the good of the relationship.
The LDers here (like yourself) are in a different position. As we’ve noticed there aren’t many and maybe no LD men posting here. This is interesting. The LDers that do post here are have made it to Stage 2 and are to be commended.
Honestly, Corri, I think your perspective as a non-horny wife that cares about her relationship and your ability to put your thoughts down have been some of the best advice around here. The rest of us horndogs whine and cry on each other’s shoulders a lot which is helpful for support but it is great to have cool-headed voices from the other side, like having a spy!
