OMG Essie, HOW did I miss your post from like, two weeks ago? I am so sorry, this whole time I was thinking, where is essie, what is going on in her situation?????? and you had posted to me and I didn't even reply? I am so sorry!!!! I wasn't ignoring you, I just didn't see that post for some reason????
I wonder if the reason why H likes to see you after wakeboarding is because it is not risky. Maybe he is really, really scared of being rejected by you, so the best way for him to try to reach out is a way where if you don't respond, he can't be hurt. Like in passionate marriage, the longer we're with someone, the more important they are to us, the HARDER it is to be close to them.
I am excited you had hot sex!!! that is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! how did it happen? I am so proud of you!!!!! why didn't he spend the night, was it your suggestion that he leave, or his? And the not calling you for five days... men are rubber bands, right? So, it is possible that could be him just needing time to process, even though that's the time when you would most need to be reassured. (this is classic mars and venus).
Can you tell us more, why you aren't sure that you want him back now?
As for the planning thing... I have a couple thoughts. Is it possible that he might be wanting you to initate more, because he needs reassurance and he is afraid of risking getting hurt? I wonder--it seems like a lot of the behavior you are expecting from him is sort of like dating-someone-who-is-a-stranger behavior--the guy being an aggressive pursuer. But because you are the one person on this earth who knows him more than anyone else, the stakes are much higher for him if he is rejected by you. It would hurt a lot more than it would hurt him to be rejected by some random girl he met in the grocery store parking lot or whatever.
It seems like maybe you have specific expectations from him that are a little rigid. Why is this, Essie darling? He can pursue me, etc? I wonder if it might be fruitful to examine these rules assumptions and think... where are they coming from? Have they helped me so far? What is the pattern? How can I do more of what works?
I wonder, do you think having plans is a security issue? Do you need the safe feeling of knowing when you'll see him? Or does having a plan make you feel valued? [When B and I were together we would plan EVERYTHING in advance because we both had weird busy schedules and if we didn't plan we wouldn't be able to spend time together. But when he did want to be spontaneous sometimes it made me really uncomfortable (like he wanted to meet "in the airport" and surprise me where, and I refused and made him pick a specific spot. Geez. I am a freak!) ]
can't wait to hear your thoughts. thank you always for lurking!!
