God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[LL44]

And I think the question is, is TOH doing it for herself because she wants to be helping, sees that its good to get out and do some serious manual labor. Or is the sole purpose to win back her H? Which would be the wrong reasons, in the long run.

For the record, if she is doing it for herself AND then second, doing it for her husband and her marriage, that is fabulous.

I wonder if her H thinks "She changed for now, but she'll change back". I know mine thought that, has said it to me.

[Andabelle]

I was just wondering if the stress of having to run a farm might not be too much for TOH and her H. Exhaustion and worry are not conducive any sort of R.

[theotherhalf]

Thank You! Thank You! You've all made my day. Great feedback with lots of great stuff for me to ponder over. Thank You!

Hold on to your hats, this will be a long one (TOH talks too much):)

Andabelle,
Good idea on being gone. I absolutely love this farm. I love the life of being on the farm. The idea of having to sell this place is just about as gut renching as losing my H. It is all I've ever dreamed of.

Lwb,
So do I just say no without an explanation? I have no idea what H will do in the future, but I reallydon't think there will be anyone else until we are D. Maybe I'm wrong.
Yep! I've been the moose, more than once.:(

WCW,
I did help H before. I helped bale hay, moved machinery, hauled hay, helped pull calves when needed, fed bottle calves, did chores. But I didn't do enough. Too busy with girls and the house. Now I have time to do all that the things I missed out on. I want to be more involved. I want to do field work. The livestock was a big issue because I am so afraid of them. I am now working on getting over that fear. I agree that H worked his a*s off BUT I too worked full time. I took care of him, the girls, yard work, gardened, house work, cooking, family stuff, bookkeeping, AND I helped him. If H would have been more willing to ask for help, be more patient with me and teach me how to do more things and be more appreciative of MY time, he would have maybe had more help.

NC,
Thanks, great post with interesing ideas. And your right about him maybe being better off. But he needs to know I have made and am glad I've made, and want to keep these changes. So??? Do I stop or continue??

"why would he want to go back to being M?"

Because he misses me, wants to be with me, misses my companionship, my humor, the fun we have together, my cooking, my love, our home, our girls. Because if he don't he will lose me...

lwb,
I am doing all of this first for

ME

. It's what I want in my life. ALL of it. H & the farm. If H wants to be a part of that it's his choice.

Andabelle,
Nobody said life was easy. We both knew what we were getting into when we started this life. We don't farm that much and you don't farm to make money, you do it for the love of farming.

[Andabelle]

Does he love it as much as you? Has he considered that he might be forced to sell the farm if he insists on D?

It could work in your favor if he does. At the very least it ought to buy you some time (splitting it up would have to be complicated). He really should think twice, because he stands to lose his shirt as well as his loving wife.

[theotherhalf]

Yes, it's all he's ever wanted. He grew very frustrated in the end because he wanted more, more, more. He wanted more ground, more cows and couldn't get it. More than anything H wished that he could quit job and just farm. Really not possible. It hurts me that he could not attain his hopes and dreams for himself. Just wish he was a little more like me and be more thankful and satisfied for what you have.

Unfortunately I think that the farm is one of the biggest reasons we are still not D. Sad for me...

[Andabelle]

Maybe it's not very flattering, but you have to take whatever advantage you can get. Remember, his feelings can always change.

((((TOH))))

[theotherhalf]

True, and I pray that one day they will...

(((Andabelle))) too!
TOH

[Andabelle]

Thanks-- I needed that :).

[theotherhalf]

I don't get it! (surprise surprise)

H will now cry at the drop of a hat. (never cried before MLC). But he still can not talk about his feelings...

H and BIL were here. We were reminising about the old days. We have a door chime from the old house (H's home) that we never got put up. I played it for BIL, showing him we had it. They both got all teary eyed.

[WCW]

Working her a** off around the farm is a 180 for toh. Prior to this she did not help her H on the farm.!

Thankyou for pointing this out WCW it is a really important point.

Whilst married; TOH did not help her H around the farm, nor did they ML.

Now he has left she helps around the farm and ML whenever he wants.

So … in the mans mind he must be thinking he is better off now than before there is no incentive for him to move back in with his W and lose his farm hand with extras on tap.


Why would he want to go back to be married?

Nutty

He sure got her attention didn't he. If toh does 'stand by her man' and show him she can and will THAT is why he would want to go back and be married. How will dumping all the work on her H make things better?

I don't think I can explain to people who don't live it and love it how much a farm or a ranch means to someone who does it. The rewards aren't just tangible, it runs thru the veins.

toh, early in your sitch you mentioned you didn't help him much on the farm. Sorry I got that wrong.

Did you have court?