Quote: Sounds like your wife and my husband suffer from similar difficulties. Wish that there was a magic pill or spell that would let them know that they are loved and appreciated so their self image would let them be more comforatablel with who they are. If we found this magic elixer, we could make a fortune!
It may be closer than you think. Unconditional love from you just may be it. I know you write about how wonderful he is and you love him very much, but....you're just not happy with him because he needs to change x, y, and z about himself...his sex drive, his openness, his black and white thinking, etc. You believe he needs counseling and to change. He is the flawed one who is not meeting your expectations of how he should be. Not too surprising he doesn't feel loved and appreciated for who he is. I don't think you want him to feel he isn't good enough for you and you can't be happy with him if he is just himself, but you could very easily be communicating that message to him.
If you happen to be thinking right now "But HE makes me feel unloved! Why should I try to love him the way he is when he won't do what makes me feel loved?" then you're in a perfect position to understand your H. It isn't easy to step outside ourselves and say, "This is who I married and I'm going to love that person as they are." I've been in the same position as you, wanting my H to be different. You'll be surprised what happens within yourself when you make the choice to focus your attention on loving them with no strings attached.
Unfortunately, once you make that decision you have to stay vigilant. It is easy to slip back into "you need to change for me to love you as you are!" Don't I know! But it gets easier and easier when you realize how much better you feel when you decide to love without expectation of change. The first step is the hardest.
