Women miss sex, too!

[WhyNotCheat]

But I can tell you right now that if I found out that he was having an affair, all the books in the world wouldn't save our marriage.

It is ironic that my wife used to be very suspicious of me, years ago when I had no thought or desire for any woman but her. She told me many times that if she ever caught me cheating, the marriage would be instantly over. Well, I frankly do not believe it. Besides, fear should never be the reason for a spouse to stay faithful.

I noticed that you also said something about your happiness and well-being hopefully being important.

Do you see your spouse being responsible for your happiness and well-being? If 98% of your marriage is good, do you see her purposely withholding 2% just so you can't be 100% happy?

Good question, but the answer is no. But I do expect my wife to care about my well-being and happiness. I think any spouse in a healthy marriage cares about the other.

I think someone once told me that "should be" is a direct translation for "I want."

Exactly. I want to be able have sex with my wife whenever the mood strikes me. In other words, that is my fantasy, I don't expect it to come true. And I am not going to go cheat on her if I don't get what I want. But as many other HD people have said, sex is a physical need. When I was stuck with self-gratification for months on end, I simply made other plans.

After reading SSM, my wife told me that one of the biggest turn-offs for her are my unrealistic expectations, and my desire to analyze what is wrong. She felt she could never be the woman I wanted her to be. I really just wanted her to enjoy being sexual. It is classic irony that my actions had the exact opposite of their intended effect.

I "should" probably shut up now.

Please don't, as I am finding your perspective to be very valuable. You're telling me the same things my wife is telling me, but I hear better when more than one person is talking.