I think I'm especially confused because with distance I realize that there were serious issues that need to be resolved in order for our R to work in the future. We had been stuck in a bad pattern that was repeating over and over. I'm not sure that he will be able to give or care about me again. He has been depressed off and on for a long time. He also is the type of person who wants to be in control of everything, has little patience and flexibility. Maybe this is a person who can't be a partner right now? He is telling me he doesn't want any kind of relationship with anyone right now. I think he's also thought that my emotions were too intense for him to handle in the past. (I am a passionate person).
I also realize that I may be reacting to the pain, loss and loneliness and that is why I am still considering this R. In my "new life" I am getting out, having fun, and meeting new people. I have the feeling of loving life again. I know I am having a fun time without him and it has been showing through some. But, when I heard him talk about his changes and that he missed me and was excited about me- I got hopeful again.
So, I am now keeping the door open a crack and he knows it. Is this the position I want to be in? Should I be letting him know he may lose me instead? Obviously, I don't want to come on too strong, too fast and I think I may have done that in our recent calls.
I also am not sure about my next step. I know that I should not call him at all. If he calls again, should I just cut it short, flirt, act like I'm having fun and just tell him I think he's right, I'm not sure about our R either? What if he presses me about the D paperwork- if I say I've asked my lawyer to temporarily hold off b/c I still have some things to think about does that seem like I'm clinging to our R? Or does that sound strong DB wise?
He seems to want to have these long R talks (which he has rarely wanted to do in the past) He wants to think about it all logically and come to a quick decision about yes or no. I sense he wants to be in control of the situation- The R talks without leading to a fight is a huge 180. I used to cry or get angry and he felt like he could never express his true feelings to me. I cried a little in our recent talks, but then I stopped. I did not get angry at all. I let him talk for 1-1/2 hrs about his feelings. But should I let him be talking about R at all? Need advice about my next move.....
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
