I totally agree that divorce is not really an option. As I have said in a previous message, if you do the math you will find that a very, very active sex life will consume about 2% of your life. The marriage also includes conversation, meals, quiet time together, sleeping together, planning the future, taking care of shared responsibilities, and on and on.
During all of the non-sexual time (the vast majority), we are very happy and loving. It hardly makes sense to split up over 2% of the marriage, especially when it has so little importance for one of the partners.
But what does have importance, hopefully, is my well-being and happiness. There are very sexual marriages, for example, where one partner is paralyzed and has no sensation below the waist. Yet satisfying sex is still very possible. We are a healthy and loving couple, and should be having sex as much as either partner wants. Why the heck not?? I know that I would always find a way to give my wife sexual pleasure, regardless of how tired, stressed-out, or limp I was. If she wants it, she is going to get it; I just don't envision myself turning down the request.
Things are better now, but for a while my wife would get angry if I approached her for sex more than once a week. And three out of four requests would still get turned down. I sometimes wonder if somewhere in her genetic code, she was just waiting for the subliminal scent of another woman before finally cranking up her drive. And no offense intended, but I wonder what subtle biological cues might have helped you, Corri, to get more interested. As I recall, your husband was getting very restless about the time you discovered the SSM. I sincerely believe there is a lot of unconscious genetic programming that controls our desires, that we are completely unaware of. It's a theory, anyway.
