I, too, have read many threads trying to understand why low-desire people are that way. I think most of it is simply how they were born. After reading SSM and discussing it with my wife, our sex life is much better. But it is definitely a gift of love she is giving me, and not so much a personal need she is fulfilling.
When I had the affair, there was no love, other than the shared love of sex. And to be honest, I don't think I have ever experienced more enjoyable or deeply satisfying sex than when my partner was starved for sex and devoured me like a hungry lioness.
But I could see that it didn't really have a future, especially with three children and a wife of twenty years whose happiness I was jeopardizing. And I really cannot complain much about the sex in my marriage lately. Sure, it could be better, but in a way that leaves something more to look forward to.
But in all honesty, I do not have the patience that so many of you all have exhibited. If my choices were: 1. have no sex, 2. get divorced, or 3. cheat; then I would choose the lesser of three evils -- cheat! Fortunately for my family, the ideas in Michele's book have been working.
