(((((Lola, Michelle, mishka, Kalni, Lisa, WCW, Julia, GF)))))

I may need to get longer arms!

So, it seems that the relevant questions are what do I want to say, and, especially, what do I want.....

It's a good thing you didn't ask HARD questions!

I WANT to be married to W, happily, as a couple. Reaslistically, I just don't see it happening. She is carrying around resentments, justified and not, that she has had for years, decades, even. And she shows no inclination to discard them. And, as you all know, she has shown no interest in doing anything to improve the marriage. On the other hand, we all know that there are cases where things can change almost on a dime. I don't expect it, but I have to recognize that despite appearances, it could happen. But when, who knows?

So, what do I need to know? I think I need to know what SHE wants out of the marriage. Is she already getting it? In our last "talk", she said she wasn't miserable. Does she really accept things the way they are? Can she do this forever? What would have to happen for her to want to work to change things? (Maybe that is a big one?)

If things are not going to change, I really don't see any alternative to a D. I think that I would rather he alone, than like this (other than the kids). And, if I don't want to be alone, sooner is probably better than later. Which seems like a stupid reason to do anything, but it is realism, isn't it? But, if there was to be a D, I'd want to be fair, maybe to a fault. And, I don't really know if it is even possible. We've made commitments to the kids, and I don't want to back out of them. But, I have to be true to myself to! So, where does that leave me?

On top of it all, I really am the world's best conflict avoider. And she can argue me into a corner at the drop of a hat. So, whatever I want to discuss, I have to not let it turn into an argument. I even worry about validating.... when I do that, I think that she "hears" that I agree with her, not that I understand her feelings. Plus, she won't stop an argument until I agree. Of course, then she'll say I only agreed to stop the argument, so it is a Catch-22 of sorts.

I guess, ideally, I'd win $100 million in a lottery, give her half, D, and live happily even after. I guess I'd have to buy a ticket for that to work, huh?

I need to get some lunch..... \:\)