God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[Nutty Chick]

NC,

How can you expect him to have respect for you if you don’t have it for yourself?

This is such a tough issue for me. I know you and everyone else is right. But lack of and quality of sex was a huge issue in our dying M. Although the sex has always been good between us it could have been sooo much better. Proven since the bomb. And the quanity was pathetic. Mostly my issues but H has some as well.

H has always been very HD. I'm LD.
H seen me naked for the first time in many many many years after he left me. I was too fat and ashamed for him to see. I was too tired. Didn't want the girls to catch us or hear us. Never wanted to do things out of the norm. So he'd push. He'd try to pursuade me. He'd reach for me. I'd pull away. I'd reject him. He'd get angry. I'd try to talk to him. He wouldn't discuss it. We'd both go to sleep angry, hurt, and without. This esculated. I tried to fix it. We got no where. Then the sex turned to just sex. He stopped initiating. And when we did there was no fun. No passion. Sometimes but very rare. And then he left.

After he left I changed. I lost weight. I felt better about myself. I WANTED sex. We've had alot of it. It's been good. But he is broken. There is no more passion.

So this is why it is so hard for me to tell him no. I know that telling him no too many times is one reason our M broke. I now know what it is like to feel rejected. I don't ever want him to feel that from me again. I WANT him. But I also do not want him this way. I want to feel desired. I want to feel passion. I want to feel loved. Not used. I don't want to be his whore. I want to be his lover.

What do I do? Do I just say no? I think your wrong. I think that ML with my H can very well bring him back to me but it needs to change before that can happen. This "sex" that we have now won't. Your right. It can't be just "sex". So how do I change it? What do I tell him the next time? Not until you are committed to me?
What I've thought to say, "I want you more than anything H but I can't anymore until I know that it means something to you. I don't want to just have sex with you. I want us to ML to each other. I won't be your whore, I want to be your lover. If that isn't possible than I can not be with you."

Again, what do I do?

I kind of feel that is what happens to many of us… sex kind of takes the back burner. Lifes like that. Same thing happened in my marriage. I rejected my H soooo many times. But there were reasons for that, emotionally my needs were not getting met.


Trouble is … you are now rewarding him for his bad behaviour. You are showing him by your responsiveness that you like the emotionless sex.

.. if you are finding the sex unfulfilling chances are he is too …


If you feel that reconnecting through sex is the way forward and only you know that, then you are really going to have to be more assertive and get Him jumping through hoops to please you.

So for example if he asks you for sex and you feel in the mood then make him work for it .. run you a bath, light a candle, wash your back massage you..

Tell him what you want for a change. If you want to be kissed tell him. If you have been quite submissive and rejecting sexually a 180 in the bedroom may be what you need.

Act like you are special and he will start to believe that.

Nutty x