You sound like you are making a new life for yourself even though it is sometimes hard.
Good for you!
Yep...that is exactly what I am trying to do. Some days are easier than others.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Wow, Sara, I cant believe how far you have come. When we first met, you would have let him walk all over you just to get him back. I remember you saying that there was no way you could GAL. Now,there is highschool guy AND ex wanting you. I agree, Ex has ALOT of soul searching and growing to do before you even think about being with him. It might do him good to have to persue after you. We are all resposible for our OWN happiness. You are learning this lesson while Ex is still chasing after some one to fill him up. I admire how strong you are. I dont think I could have said no like you did when in the place you were at. Now, however, I just dont give a crap anymore. They are going to do what they want to do, but we have the choice whether to be involved or not. I no longer am willing to be a part of his drama. Your doing great!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
I always tried to GAL...started taking guitar lessons and getting out more. But I did allow (now x) H to walk all over me. But looking back, I really don't know how I could have done anything differently.
It is hard to say "no" to him. I realize that I do still love him, but it is a different love than what I once had. My heart wants to take him back, but my head reminds me that would be a mistake because he hasn't made any changes to his life. I would just be setting myself up for him to cheat on me again. I know that I could not emotionally handle being cheated on for a 3rd time in my life. It is just way too much for a person to deal with and I don't have it in me to do it again.
I am striving to find happiness is my life. Some days are better than others. I dont' think anything is going anywhere with the high school guy. (that makes it sound like he is a guy who is in high school, doesn't it? lol). I feel like he hangs out with me because he hasnt' found anyone else to hang out with. I think he is looking for a rich woman, which I am not and will never be! Although....unlike many....I now have so much more money than I ever had when I was married! All of that money that I used to spend on my husband is now all mine!
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I only read a little of your posts, but I see that you just had bad luck with your XH (by that I mean he is the one with the issues). I was cheated on too, and I was devastated when I discovered the betrayal. I know what you and many others here went through - and for THAT reason I cannot go back to my WAS. It's a tough journey to find happiness in yourself again - but it's the SANE thing to do, it's right, we deserve to lead a happy life and to find that someone special that won't cheat. I was seeing a woman that's been divorced 3 times, and I got attached to her, but my head was telling me "don't do it...don't fall for someone like that again".....I guess it's a warning sign that I should really wait and not rush into another R again only to be disappointed later, especially with her past of failed R's. It's funny how our radars go up after we have gone through such a hard ordeal with our past marriages.
That high school guy does sound like a teenager in high school! LOL! but we know what you mean. If you think he only hangs out with you because he doesn't have a life - that's a big sign for you to not get involved. 2 people should have a lot in common, and still be there own unique individual. I for one, am an artist, and it's hard for me to find a nice, cute, decent woman that can really appreciate that in me, but I have other interests too like travel, soaking up world history, and just having fun in general and being my silly self. I try to remember to not fall for just anyone and "settle". We should never "settle".
It's a nice feeling to know that you have extra money now.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
It's so nice that you have some extra money now. And isn't it nice to be able to decide how to spend it all on your own? Lol
((((((Sara))))))
You have obviously learned a lot.
Your XH would have a TON of work to do to even get to a place where you could consider trying again. And that's how it should be after all that has happened.
You will have the guys tripping over themselves to spend time with you because you are so much fun.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hey Sara,....I feel you. I always felt like we were a lot alike and had h's with similar personalities and attitudes towards money.
I have a hard time saying no to xh too. Depending on what he needed I am sure if he asked right I would even help him today. You have learned a lot through this and have become amazingly strong. There is a big difference in your posts today and when you first started posting.
As for the high school guy....well, not every R turns into something serious or something we would want to continue. If nothing comes of it then maybe you at least have a new friend.
Quote:
Although....unlike many....I now have so much more money than I ever had when I was married! All of that money that I used to spend on my husband is now all mine!
Me TOO!!! I know a lot of people are put in a financial bind with D...but my XH spent so much money that I can't believe how much money I have now and how much debt I have paid off...even after going in the hole with the house sale!
I agree Kris...our husband (err..exhubands now) were/are a lot alike! Your situation actually has helped me to keep in mind that if I hadn't made the move and divorced when I did, there is a high likelyhood that there would have been OW #2 with mine as well.
I do like the guy I knew from high school. We seem to have a lot in common and I always have such a fun time when we hang out together. Maybe I am just not feeling a romantic click with him. Maybe he isn't feeling that with me either. But Kris is right....regardless I have made a new friend. And going out to dinner and hanging out with him now and then has been a good way to GAL and good for my PMA. Since I do not have any expectations for love with him, things are good. I am not ready to love right now anyhow...so this could actually be for the best.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Well, the second OW put the final nail in the coffin for me. I was completely blindsided too because he was so remoresful about the first one....which leads me to believe that he just has a problem. Not dealing with it just insures it will be present in every R he has. If you ever decide to give xh another chance I would say be clear on boundaries and what you need.
Yes, new friends are always good. It is so nice just to have someone to go to dinner with. I think it has definitely helped your PMA.
Happy Halloween and TGIF!!!!! Have a good weekend.
