Creeping through no man's land

[ACJ]

I didn't realise my last thread locked. I've not really had anything to update so hadn't opened it myself to post.

There is still not really anything to update except the fact that I have had my L tell H that if he wants a D he will have to pay all my costs. I think it's a cheek to want so much in the way of money (to pay of his debts - so he can start to accrue them again) and then still expect me to pay HIS divorce. I just got a copy of the letter she sent today so I guess it will be the same routine of me receiving a reply at the weekend. Oh whoopee.

I've started referring to the letters my L forwards me from Hs L as 'love letters from H'. That's just my way of coping but D13 didn't find it very funny when she realised what I was talking about. Will have to keep that to myself in future

I've chosen the title to this thread b/c I'm beginning to feel like a soldier crawling across the ground between two trenches. i daren't put my head up for fear of it being shot off.

[BeingMe]

Hi ACJ! I like your new title ... very appropriate! A first D is like uncharted territory, just like no man's land. I agree that anyone who instigates the D should pay for it.

[ACJ]

I've just spoken to D18. She has been ringing me fairly frequently so I thought I'd better try and beat her to it this time and save her some money. When we last spoke on Monday she told me she was coming home on Friday. She even offered to babysit for me after I told her to let me know for definate as I'd been invited out by a friend. I foolishly accepted the invite. This evening D18 has decided that she isn't now coming home until Saturday. It's because her car is at her BFs house (she can't park it at uni) and as he doesn't finish work until 6pm it would be late before she was able to come home. Sensible I know I'm just disappointed. To add insult to injury she then informed me that she will be coming home next week as well as it is her BFs birthday and his mother lives nearby but before I could get excited she told me she wouldn't be around much as she would be spending all her time with him. I fully understand it from her POV, she is young, but from my POV I haven't seen her for a month and her BF has seen her at least every weekend since she went away as he only lives about 40 mins from the uni she is attending.

It's at times like this that I really envy H and OW and the freedom they have. They haven't altered their lifestyle one bit since S16 went to live with them. As far as they are concerned there is no need, he is 16, he doesn't need 'parents' around.

[BeingMe]

Gosh! I know how you feel in some way, ACJ! My D28 rarely calls me, and even more rarely sends me a birthday card or gifts for special occasions. But, I have to listen to her go on about the special things they do for her M-I-L (when I call her). I know, they live near to her in-laws who have been incredibly kind to her and we live thousands of miles away in a different country. It just hurts .... just a teeny bit. I guess we just have to accept that our kids are living their own lives now, and have different priorities. We just have to concentrate on the ones we have at home still. Such as my D16 who is, I'm afraid, horribly spoilt, and S21 who came back home, and spoils me now since this illness. So, sometimes things do bounce back. I won't go into the D21 saga ... that is just way too painful.

Anyway, enough about me. Chin up and just enjoy the weekend as much as possible. Once the D is final, things will hopefully get into a more stable place. I am glad that your D18 calls you frequently. That's something to be grateful, not so?

Take care.

[ACJ]

Thanks BM. I am grateful that D18 is calling me frequently as at least I know she is happy (apart from with her roomate).

Yesterday I was at uni. My head was full to bursting with all the new info I gained whilst there and all I really wanted to do was relax. No such thing happened. Things reached an almighty peak with D13 and I ended up spending the evening worrying where she was as she stormed off out. It was very stormy here last night. She did text me regularly (mostly to tell me how I qualify for the world's worst mum award) and eventually let me know she was at a friend's (although she wouldn't tell me which one) but she didn't come home until gone 10pm and so tempers were getting a bit thin by then. I didn't raise to the bait though. I just let her go up to her bedroom. She crashed about for a bit and then obviously got into bed so I did the same. I hope this will be the start of things getting better but I'm not convinced. Just as well H is not here (he is on holiday again) as I wouldn't have time to give him any attention anyway.

[ACJ]

Something very significant happened in my life today. I won't go into details except to say it does not involve an OM! I think my stand has come to an end. That does not mean that I will stop coming here. I still need your support. It does mean though that my focus will change significantly.

By the way for those of you who have been following my thread closely can anyone think of anything significant in my life that happened in June that set me off on this path of rediscovery of ACJ?

[Andabelle]

What happened?!

I hope it was a positive development, and not another shock...

((((ACJ))))

[naej]

HMMMMMMMMM Was it when your son moved out?

[Andabelle]

That's what I was just thinking.

[BeingMe]

Wow! Your STBX sure has gone on a lot of holidays! Where does he get the money?

I also thought the moment your S16 moved out. But, I recall there was something else that made you start thinking not to stand. Could it be his so-called 'engagement'? Or, was that earlier in the year?