I guess it's over

[Trixi]

Last night I was online surfing the web, reading the boards, IMing my non-date friend. Out of nowhere my H sends an IM to say hi and to let me know he paid DD rent (which probably why he and SS went to see her last Friday) and to ask what I had planned for her 21st bday next week. I said I was having a hard time nailing her down but I had discussed taking her out to a dance club and he said "yeah, that would be fun. How about the 4 of us go out to dinner and then to a club?" (The 4 of us being he and I and our kids.) I sent DD a text and asked what she thought and she enthusiastically said yes.

So he is asking how I am etc; and now that I think about it, I should have told him I am going to tons of meetups. oh well.
Snipits of convo:
I said something silly and he says
H"U want me?"
Me "oh, you mean YOU want ME?"
H "Always"
H "And Forever"
-I take it down a notch and reference Napolean Dynamite's brother Skip singing Always and Forever

Later with no preamble from me:
Me "Admit it"
H "Admit what?"
Me "Just admit it"
H "That I miss you? Sure I do"
H"And you miss me too"
I tried to dodge unsuccessfully

Little flirty stuff
Says he's tired so I say good night and then
H "Unless you want me to come over"
H "Just kidding'
H "not"
H "Just kidding"
H "not"
verbally joust a bit and I say "which one are you? The cat or the mouse?"
He picks the cat and says
H "I know where you hide, I can find you"
H "But I need a ploy to entice you out"
Me "You may know where I hide, but the mouse is smart and will not be fooled by "ploys""
H "Yeah, I know that"

In the end, I never said that he could come over (of course!).
Peppered thru out the conversation he would make comments such as "You know me all too well" and "I know you all too well"
He said he missed the prairie dogs too.

I have a quote on my IM that sort of reflects me current state of mind "Life's like a d!ck;when it gets hard "Screw it"" He made a comment about liking the quote and asked if I thought life was hard. I said that I sort of had a "F it. Whatever" attitude right now and he goes "no" "no no" "no, not that" "poor thing" He wanted me to talk about it and I said that I thought he must have misunderstood. That I meant it in an agressive way, not in a dispondent way. Then he said "ah. okay."
Part of me is insulted that he thinks so highly of my love for him that he would take it to mean I am on the verge of checking out; but the other part of me is glad that he at least cares enough to want to make sure I'm ok.

WHY are we not together??????? What "dot" am I not connecting? How you can want someone, miss them, consider them your friend, etc and still walk away from them?

Here's where I need help; at the end of the convo he mentioned that he had decided to stay with his current job, which means lots of changes.
We talked about the insurance being changed over. I asked when that would happen and he said next month. I was a little worried because I just got a physical and mammogram, so I said something like "Good, because I just got a mammogram and stuff" and of course he says "I got your mammogram right here."
ANYway- obviously, he knows we are married, haven't filed etc and will be moving me over to the new insurance plan.

He was very forthcoming about what his signing bonus would be, what sort of yearly bonuses he would get, the pay raise, etc. (Which I find a little interesting that he still shares this info with me; of course, even if he didn't, I would find out when we do 2008 taxes, so it doesn't really matter.) Part of making the switch means that the stock vestings will have to be liquidated. Those are technically half mine. How do I bring up that I want half that money without bringing up filing?