The most frustrating thing has happened since moving to Separated and now Surviving. I completely HATE my threads and can't wait for the magic 100 posts to come so I can close them out. It's like they're icky sticky goo and I get stuck.
It doesn't help that I'm all irritated right now either!
While doing drawing as a part of the venting process, quite a few wacky drawing have emerged (some of which are on the alternate universe).
One in particular is named "Turds in a Toilet." Imagine if you will the top view of a toilet. The water is yellow from pee and inside the bowl bobs quite a few turds all labeled. "Family", "Love", "Commitment", "Sharing", "Trust" and the like.
It's a crude drawing with stumpy hairy legs, ill defined toes and knees with a bit of yellow tricking down the inner calf.
After I drew it, I thought of my spouse. How he was taking everything we built and voiding it from his system. The last sight is him peeing on it before flushing what I held dear.
I'm irritated that our savings are gone, the 401k is being eaten into, he's drained an account, our son's room and board isn't being taken care of, bills are piling up.. and this is with meliving on half his income which per CT law, the best I can hope for is 42% including child support after the divorce. I have the big house with its expenses, care of the children and the now neurotic dog.
I'm pissed that we've spent over $25K on nothing being done. That his bullheadedness has cost major bucks because of his need for secrecy. Add his paranoia, his choosing to see our daughter one hour a week at best and it's just annoying me.
I've binged on a box of Mallomars and probably have a killer sugar high going. He's fired a lawyer, hired a second more expensive one ($500 an hour) when a settlement hasn't even been discussed. The only thing we could squabble on is possessions since he doesn't want any physical custody of our daughter. He's been living with a woman he befriended and dated during our marriage since he abruptly left.
I spewed to a friend last night and I think I have remmants leaking out.
ARRRGGGHHHHHH....
Am I a weenie? Well heck.. if I am, pass the mustard!
You are in the right place. Vent away. Edit nothing!
The simple fact is that this stuff sucks and it hurts. Further to that.... it does get better.
I am remarried and my X still pulls crap.... constanlty. It is the life she signed us all up for. Yet only she got what she wanted. Not me, nor my kids, nor our friends and families.
Simple fact: Most of our X's are nothing more nor less than selfish assholes.
Keeping this in mind should help limit your expectations and thereby limit disappointment. And as you move through this hell period, continue to do what you can to do something for you as an individual. Read, study, work out, flirt, or whatever will help you become a better person.
Because one day, "He" will fade significantly into the background and you will be there with you. When I arrived at this point, I really started to enjoy life again. And the me that I created (with lots of help) during hell-period was there to take part and enjoy the future that eventually shows up. Sorry... tht was a little convaluded but perhaps you get my point.
So be mad! This stuff hurts and there is no way around it. There is however a way THROUGH it. "When you are going through hell.... keep going" (Winston Churchill).
BTW.... Congrats on winning "Intriguing Thread Title of the Day". My unhealthy side is conspiring to out do this title and put something up so socially unacceptable that I will get banned. Ok... so maybe not.
But... you are among people who know so well where you are at. Dont look for justice in an unjust sitch. Just survive it and know that a brighter day is waiting. It is! Many of us are discovering that.
It is the life she signed us all up for. Yet only she got what she wanted. Not me, nor my kids, nor our friends and families.
Dont look for justice in an unjust sitch.
Chaz,
You are right. I had to send my exW an e-mail about picking up yet more of her stuff... She complained.... I could not let het get away with it... I wrote the following:
Quote:
Well, you probably would have a hard time believing {new wife} and I put so much time, effort and money into the house. Saying it was a disaster when you left would not be an understatement. Both my mom and {new wife} were shocked. My mom asked, "{exW} left this mess for you to cleanup?" I said, "Yes." She just looked at me.
Anyway, the right thing would have been for us to clean up the mess we created together. However, I am at a point in my life where I realize many people choose to do what is easy instead of doing what is right. I no longer attempt to resist this. I simply accept that is the way it is.
Given all {new wife} and I had to do, I think you should be grateful all you need to do is drive across town a few times to pickup boxes. We have put many hours in sorting through the junk in the basement. I have carried out countless bags of trash. I cleaned up cat and rat crap. We have had the Vietnam Vets here six times. {new wife} even drove over to your house several times to drop boxes off there.
{new wife} has been a total blessing; she has been so patient and has worked so hard to get things squared away. I could not expect any more from her. That hard work really paid off; we sold the house in about two and half weeks. We are off to La Casa Grande (a Grande River by Engle Homes) in {nice housing development}; oddly enough, you and I looked at those homes after I had my jaw surgery in September 2006.
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
You are in the right place. Vent away. Edit nothing!
The simple fact is that this stuff sucks and it hurts. Further to that.... it does get better.
I am remarried and my X still pulls crap.... constanlty. It is the life she signed us all up for. Yet only she got what she wanted. Not me, nor my kids, nor our friends and families.
Simple fact: Most of our X's are nothing more nor less than selfish assholes.
Keeping this in mind should help limit your expectations and thereby limit disappointment. And as you move through this hell period, continue to do what you can to do something for you as an individual. Read, study, work out, flirt, or whatever will help you become a better person.
Because one day, "He" will fade significantly into the background and you will be there with you. When I arrived at this point, I really started to enjoy life again. And the me that I created (with lots of help) during hell-period was there to take part and enjoy the future that eventually shows up. Sorry... tht was a little convaluded but perhaps you get my point.
So be mad! This stuff hurts and there is no way around it. There is however a way THROUGH it. "When you are going through hell.... keep going" (Winston Churchill).
BTW.... Congrats on winning "Intriguing Thread Title of the Day". My unhealthy side is conspiring to out do this title and put something up so socially unacceptable that I will get banned. Ok... so maybe not.
But... you are among people who know so well where you are at. Dont look for justice in an unjust sitch. Just survive it and know that a brighter day is waiting. It is! Many of us are discovering that.
Chazz, I remember you from a long time ago. Congrats on the new life. Good for you, brother.
Chazz is spot on. This is the life they signed all of us up for. Us, family, friends. Only they got what they "want".
With this line, however comes the caveat: "Be careful what you ask for". Look at your husband? Has he found rapture? He's a MESS! It doesn't help you any, but he's twisted.
My STBXW wrote a $10,000 check for mediation form our savings. Just set the money on fire. We have a daughter in college, and a daughter who has a ravenous eating disorder, for which insurance coverage has run out on, so we now pay $465 a day OUT OF POCKET for intensive outpatient care. That's coming from a $20,000 education fund her grandmother set up for her. Set the money on fire. Wife needs an attorney, I need an attorney....SET THE MONEY ON FIRE. Divorce is no less violent to a family than war. Sorry, but I've seen both, first hand. At least in war, your comrades show compassion in the worst times.
Thanks for the fecal metaphore. I always love scatalogical references!
I'm beginning to see not what's been lost or what's missing, but what's been gained.
Your signature says a lot. This kind of realization was a turning point for me. It is hard to see it when we are in agonizing pain. We can often have a head-knowledge of it but cannot feel it on a day by day basis.
When the pain subsides and we gain a deeper understanding of appreciating what has been gained, the losses begin to fade.
Chazz, I remember you from a long time ago. Congrats on the new life. Good for you, brother.
FLTC.... thanks. I remember your handle too.
Ya, life has moved on. I got a lot of help from participating in these boards. I have woven in and out of involvement here but I believe I have received what I needed when I needed it. It is a pretty amazing forum.
One recovering divorced person helping another is without parallel.
I can relate to the crazy expenses. Particularly when we are in turmoil of a D or post-D. It sucks. It, however, is not uncommon so there is lots of fellowship on these matters.
My X took me to court couple years ago to the tune of 10's of thousands in legal fees. She lost what she was taking me to court for. And ordered to pay partial costs. did she admit any error? Well.... I probably dont have to tell you or anyone else that she didnt.
didnt even ask how I was doing after having my name dragged through the mud. Mind you, I didnt bother to ask how she was after the Judge hander her lawyer her own ass so perhaps I am not perfect either.
anyway bro.... good to run into you again on the boards. See ya around (I guess "See you around the toilet" would be the more accurate reply for this thread title).
