I was told to GAL inside the house. Hobbies, home projects, etc... that opened my eyes to the fact that GAL'ing doesn't necessarily mean getting away from the house to do things.
I've come to the conclusion that GAL'ing stands for many things. Keeping the focus on ourselves rather than our W's or our sitch. Doing things that make us happy - that includes making the changes we want to make to make us better people. It includes taking care of the house and kids (if we have them). It encompases anything that shows you can be responsible and effective at what you are doing.
Steady...that was my point..I really have not done a good job at those things. In the beginning I was all over it, but as time went on and she softened, I found myself just remaining focused on her, wanting to spend as much time with her as I could, doing all the crazy stuff we do.
That is what put me into this limbo land...mostly good things between us, no commitment from her for the R or marriage, and me plugging along trying to remain close and treat her right...most times at the expense of my own goals. Not all bad, but still not what the process, at least in my mind, was supposed to be.
Sounds crazy....but I almost feel I would have done a better job on myself if she had not been so receptive to my changes early on....she did not make me work very hard...LOL...and I count myself as lucky that things have progressed as well as they have.
Guess in some ways, even though things seem good, I am disappointed in myself for not carrying through with the original promises I made to her and myself.....basically just to simplify and organize our lives.."home", house and finances....to be together or not, so that in the end we both would be OK.
The most important one was done...my change in behavior towards her, and that will stand forever. The rest, I just have to stop focusing on what I have not done in the last 6 months, and get my arse in gear.
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Interacting with your W is part of GAL'ing. It's getting a life - and that includes with your W.
Anyway...if interacting with my wife is GAL, than I will say I must be doing something right....interaction for us would be an understatement, I guess.
Things are still calm and she really does seem very relaxed around me, no matter what we may be doing.
We have been either at home, trying to be a little more normal, or going out here and there..nothing crazy..at least not quite as crazy as in the past.
The other night we were out for a beer, wings and a game of pool..home and to sleep early for a change. The place we were at is having a Halloween party next week and I asked if she wanted to go...no questions, no excuses....just a "Yes...we need to get costumes"....not a worry over whether anyone else will be there, or if she may have had plans, etc....just a "yes, let's go".
Last night we drove down to a Halloween store and got costumes and makeup...then went out for a bite to eat.....once again, home early and in bed at a reasonable time.
The time together recently has been filled with conversation about the election...something very different for us, and part of her GAL whether she realizes it or not...just like the football thing. I have told her several times how it is good to see her take an interest in something she knew nothing about, learn about it, ask questions and have fun with it.
Last night as we talked about a heated email election conversation going on between my brothers and me, she paid me a compliment about my word and writing skills. Compliments have been few these past 6 months, almost like she has been afraid to give me any idea that there are still things she may like about me.
Along with the compliments come a little chop busting and good natured ribbing...something else that may have been lacking the last few months.
We seem to have reached a point where we can joke about a shortcoming one of us has or "make fun" of each other, without the other taking it personal.
During the marriage, she had become so sensitive to any comment or perceived criticism that I could not look at her sideways without her thinking I was hurling an insult, or putting her down.
Also...the comments a while ago about her sleeping on the couch....one night, I think, in almost 2 weeks now. If Bill was right and this may be a gauge in where she is at in the R, than maybe what I am seeing and feeling from her is for real. It is the longest stretch off the couch in quite some time.
