Sorry, folks. It has been a while since I have been back. I have been travelling extensively for work, and haven't had time to respond to some of the last posts.
I am seeing a marriage counselor in my area. He runs a Christian-based counseling service not far from my home. I am getting good, solid advice from him. He is echoing many of the points of advice that I have seen in this forum.
Yes, I have been far too weak, passive, and inadequate, and I have ceded much of the control of my marriage, family, and life, to my spouse. Yes, this is my fundamental problem, and this has to change, if there is to be any improvement in my marriage or sex life.
In my drive to be the "anti-father" - the exact reverse of my own father - I have gone to far. In my desire not to be him, I have gone too far to the opposite extreme, becoming thoroughly weak, passive, and ineffectual. (And this is common for children from grossly dysfunctional families. My counselor has explained this to me, and it makes perfect sense.)
Growing up, I had no male role models to base my life upon, so I come up with my own template. Predictably, I became a person who is more feminine than masculine, since the only role models around were female. Hence, my wife sees me as weak, unmasculine, and effeminate, which is why she despises me so much, and treats me with such contempt. This is the problem that has to be fixed, before any other issue in my marriage or sex life can be addressed.
My next session with my counselor is next week. I will try to keep everyone advised of my progress. And I am grateful for everyone's support up to this point. Thank you very much.
