I'm so sorry you are going through this. You handled everything well. Your comments were NOT immature, her actions and her OM's comments and actions are immature. DOn't worry about anything you did.
You said:I think I bring the drama about to myself. I just can't face the reality of her moving on living happy without me.
No, YOU don't bring the drama. SHE did. You are not "facing reality" because nothing is done yet.
Your poor kids. I'm worried about them. It's time for some counseling. Your W has been loading a pile of crap in their heads and you need a christian counselor (get a pro marriage one, too) to help get things out. It's time to tell the older kids the truth as well, I believe. She doesn't seem to mind anyway. Be prepared. She will twist it into "God's plan for her". Make sure to tell them with a counselor present. Doesn't she see how they miss you guys when you're not together? The crying. Feel free to remind her. She SHOULD feel guilty. And what's up with her telling them they can come home to her early...that's YOUR time. They are sad and crying because of the mess she made. You remind her that. No, you are NOT going to be happy that she cheated on you and is leaving the marriage without even trying and you are NOT going to pretend you are. The kids will see this emotion, they will NOT see fakeness from YOU. Stay strong. This will be hard.
Also, don't take to heart the comment that she just doesn't feel that way about you anymore. I can't tell you how many times I said that to my H. It's standard after having an affair. It justifies it in the wayward mind (What can I do? I don't love him. I never did. God would want me to be happy.).
It's all so sad. It'd be good for you to see that movie. You will see yourself in it and have some peace. In the movie, the W has to make the choice to come back just like your wife will. You are thinking she won't...that she is too happy in her new life....that you two are too far gone.....but, like you said, with God all things are possible. Put your life in His hands.
Feel free to remind her. She SHOULD feel guilty. And what's up with her telling them they can come home to her early...that's YOUR time. They are sad and crying because of the mess she made. You remind her that. No, you are NOT going to be happy that she cheated on you and is leaving the marriage without even trying and you are NOT going to pretend you are. The kids will see this emotion, they will NOT see fakeness from YOU. Stay strong. This will be hard.
