I had learned several weeks ago that I no longer need my wife, but I do want my wife. The only needy part of me right now is that with all my stress and things i am taking care of I need someone to pat my back, tell me its ok, and the like. A hug, kiss and some passion would definitely be something I NEED right now.

I do agree that once you get passed the need them stage it get easier, but the pain and grief are very real. Being dark has helped me tremendously. But again, i sometimes feel I am pushing the envelope too hard. Signs are showing and most people are tired of telling her what to do and how big of a mistake she made. That will most likely help in the long run. My life is better, not great, but better. I am invited more places, I am doing things for myself. I worry about things I have in the past with greater passion, believe it or not it makes me feel connected to my life. Going through life, trying to survive, is not living. She is not happy, she is going through the motions. I am happy, just not complete. I have learned the underlying truth, you need to make yourself happy and you need to be happy with yourself. Once you do this, it is amazing how your outlook changes.
I still talk about the situation to anyone who wants to know. I am told I do this for two reasons, one I am not over it, no kidding, really! The other is that I like to see where I was, emotionally and personnally and then where I am now. I don't usually pat myself on the back, it is my way of doing so. If I found $5k to financially stabilize right now, I would really be happy. I am getting my fnances done. I will tell you all this. this site, the DR book and the book on my wife's possilble MLC (symptomwise she hits it rght on the mark) have helped me through this to the level I am functioning at right now. My challenge this weekend, no discussion about it. Thats what I have all of you for. Karlah, we feel more lonely, emotionally, than needy I think. We see them, we are around them and yet we aren't with them. that is the pain. But I also know this, and this is a fact, they are watching us, more than we are watching them. They are trying to figure out what is an act, what is pain, what is real, why are we the way we are right now, and do they remember the people we are today. This is a fact! Make no mistake about it. doesn't mean they will be rushing back, but it does add to their thinking. We survive because we have chosen to, because we have to. We are happy, genuinely happy. they are not. Are they as lonely as we are, in their minds they are not, they have an outlet. My W has tis OM. He is a piece of Sh#$. She feels good when around him, but is not around him as much over the past 2-3 weeks. Her life is still centered around the next party, the next social event, the next whatever. My life is centered around me and my kids. Parties are nice but they now take a backseat to my kids. As it should have been. I am a better person for it.

Karlah, you and I will have what Tgone has right now, whether it is with them or not. I hope to be with W again, hopefully soon. Do I put everything on hold till then, no! Will I be happy if she comes back, absolutely! How will I handle it, who knows. I cannot dwell on it because it is not in my grasp. This is the best advice I have to give. Wake up each day and think about the things you need to do. When you go to bed at night, be happy with your accomplishments. Repeat...