Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

My head dis spinning between total acceptance and anger. STBXH had son last night. When I got home he wanted to talk about some of the things he was going to purpose as far as a settlement. First his child support and maintenance amount was off by almost a 1000.00 a month. When I explained why his numbers where off he became angry and accusitory....I am out to take him for everything and he will have to work until his dying day. I told him due to my chronic illness (not the cancer) that I wanted indefinate alimony as well. That REALLy made him mad. Oh well. I will not back down on that one. I explained that I was not trying to screw him that I was trying to give our son the most stability possible. That I wanted to continue to live in the same neighborhood so that he could be with his friends and go to the same school. This was not about me. I reminded him that through out our M, I was the one who had sacrificed over and over again financially. That I had not been the kind of person to spend money on myself, everyone else came first. Why did he think that I had changed in that regaurd. I also reminded him that last week he told me he was planning on giving me 50% and this week he is mad that I dont like his 30% offer. He said that he did not say he would give me 50% (um, yeah, you did but owell. doesnt really matter until it is a signed contract anyway). I said that if we went in front of a judge, I would be able to get 40% so I will not settle for less than that. I said when you look at it from my point of view, I will be taking care of our son most of the time. Less than half will go to pay for 2 of us while over half is going to just pay for him. Thems the breaks I guess.

As the night went on he started to talk R with me. Said he was sorry that things have ended this way. I said that I was actually angry with him because last week he wanted me to put the house back on the market and wanted me to get a job. I said, do you not know what it means to be going through what I am going through? You watched your mom die from cancer and this is how you treat me! Yeah, I am sad it turned out this way also. Told him, "You know how your back has been hurting for the last couple of weeks and it has put you in a bad mood. Well, amplify that pain by 10 and hold on to it for over a year. Now, you are also responsible for a 98 year old woman, your son, the house, diner, school full time, being a loving partner and working a part time job as well. Cant you understand how all of that combined would change how a person acted? I believed in the "in sickness and in health" bit. You ran away to someone else. So , yeah, you should feel sorry it ended this way. Everyone makes their own decisions about what is right for them and I guess walking away from a wife who could die was what was right for you." I actually said all of this in a calm tone of voice. I was shocked at how detached I felt.

Somehow the conversation moved to him talking about his OW. He is now back pedelling about how he is living there. Fed me some BS line that there are nights he sleeps in his car at the company garage (um, it is a 2 seater with no back seat). I could tell he was lying through his teeth. I just dont get it. I told him I thought that was odd when she had a perfectly good bed that she was already sharing with him. It was his choice where he decided to sleep and none of my business. Caught him in a couple of other lies, but just let them pass. What is the point anymore? He will just lie even further to cover the ones he just got caught in. He is the one who has to look at himself in the mirror, not me. Then he starts to tell me how his GF M broke up. Like I even care!!! Apparently she was M for 5 year. By year 2 was not feeling happy because H would not go out partying with her. She likes to do things and meet knew people. She is all about fun. By year 3 they were doing their own thing and by year 4 she filed and left him. Was completed right around their 5 year anniversary. All I kept thinking as I heard this is WOW, you two are so going to crash and burn. My STBXH would never go out with me because he does not like bars or the smoke. He hates to drink and has a hard time connecting to people. Didnt have close friends at all while we were together, despite me trying to get him to connect with others. Actually, he sounds alot like her Ex that she hated and ran away from. Funny how that works. After hearing that, I had a smile on my face because I knew they would not work out. After all they have both proven that they rather run away from a sitch instead of fix it. A perfect match made in h&ll in my opinion. I have decided to step back and just enjoy the show at this point.

Its funny, when he left, he thanked me for having such a good conversation. I was so detached I did not notice if it was good or not. I just sat there with a blank expression nodding my head most of the time. I do remember that he has now decided to re-write our history. He had not done that yet. As of last night, he has been miserable in our R for the last 10 years. Again, thanks to BD I knew this was just the normal BS they spout to feel better about what they are doing.

One of the comments that he did make that made me smile was that he felt like his body was falling apart. He felt and looked much older than he actual is. He then said that I look younger and better than I had in years. I just smiled and said "Guess D is treating me well." Through the entire night I was calm and did not emotionally engaged. When talk about finances came up and he was angry I simply responded that this was just a businees decision we were making at this point. That was all I saw it as. He tried to make a few jibes at me but I refused to take the bait. Finally I told him it was late, I did not feel good and he needed to go home. As he was leaving he said he didnt know where that was. I shook my head and said drive safe then closed the door on him. Whatever.

I totally believe now that he is in a MLC. I also think that one day he is going to pull his head out of his @ss (not until the OW is gone though) and regret everything that happend and want to come back. I have come to a point, though, that I dont think I could ever take him back. Who knows, I could be totally wrong...he could marry her...or he could want to come back and I say ok. I can only think of today and nothing else.

Hope everyone is doing well and able to enjoy the lovely fall colors.