D12 had her first youth group tonight at the church. I went in at the end, and there was a Christian rock band playing "Vertigo" by U2. They all signed this pumpkin that had their logo carved into it, and the facilitator of the youth group left it up to the band which kid got the pumpkin. Well, D12 got it! They said she was one of the most enthusiastic! It really made me feel good to see that. It eased up some of the pain in my heart today, and I realized that although this situation really sucks, I have a lot of blessings in my life!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Awesome about your D's youth group. I've been trying to get my son to go to our church youth group for months now but he's not ready to do that yet. I'll keep putting him in the right situations with the right people and hope for the best.
You have an awesome day!!!!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mishka, my D12 had been bugging me for more than a year about church, so this was great. I think it is also fun for her.
Michelle, I know I don't need him either. This no contact is horrible and I keep thinking he is forgetting me in the process, but I also know that may be what needs to happen. Maybe, in time,I will forget him too.
I still miss him though. Alot.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It is strange, although I miss H, and want to hear from him, on the other hand I don't want to hear from him. I don't want to be stuck on the rollercoaster anymore.
We finally got the notice for the trustee's meeting, on November 6, so I know I am going to have to see him at that point. I almost wish we could have separate trustees meetings so I don't have to see him at all. One part of me is really enjoying the break. The other part of me wants my old H back.
And yet my faith won't allow me to say that this is over, just in a temporary lull. My instincts tell me he is thinking about all of this, and maybe even misses me.
I have realized through all of this that the problems we had were not caused by anyone else. There were circumstances that led up to it, but the fact is we did this. We did not communicate. There are only two people to blame, and it is the two of us. I think initially I was so willing to blame everyone else because I did not want to realize that I was wrong, and he was wrong. We are good people, but just didn't know how to handle real life.
I pray that we get a second chance, but I also know that at this point, no matter what I have to move forward. I cannot relive the past, cannot live the past. Although I am still sad, and still miss him, I feel more and more strength every day to get through this. I know right now, by being dark, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. But it is also the best thing, for the both of us.
I can't be what he wants right now, a friend who he can turn to whenever he wants without giving anything back. I have tried that, and I am too drained to concentrate on that. Being dark has given me the strength to concentrate on other areas of my life.
I realize this will probably go on for quite some time, and I wonder where I will be at the end of it. But I know that I will be okay. I realize that at this point, if H were to decide to recommit, that there would be much work to be done. But I also realize that if he does decided to file for D like he keeps threatening, I will be able to handle it with grace and poise, and continue on.
I am still figuring out who I am, but I am also coming to like this woman I have become.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hi(((lola )))read your recent thread and our situations sound similar. I too have gone dark- find it hard but somehow peaceful too. He left me last May.Im sure your H is thinking about this as you say.It sounds as if you are becoming stronger too.Like you,we didnt communicate-no arguements- nothing- for 25 of the 28 years we were married!Like you he would like me as a "fallback" friend but Im strong enough now to expect something back too. Lola -knowing you will be ok is such a big step foreward. I went into major panic at first and really thought I wouldnt survive.I am praying that you get a second chance if it is Gods will.Go with your instincts that this is a temporary lull- I feel exactly the same. Best wishes to you from England!
I know, I felt the same way. It has only been a week, last week being the day I walked away and didn't say a word to him. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I think the thing that kills me is that, other than the people on this board, everyone thinks I did it for revenge. I didn't. I did that for me, because I was so hurt and so tired of being hurt. I didn't want to "get back" at H, or show him whose boss. I just wanted some peace. I knew that if I allowed it, he would hug me, and then I would be on the same rollercoaster. I can't live like that anymore. It is a toss up, because by going dark I realize that there is a chance he will feel relief and decide to proceed w/ the D. But I also know that I can't go on the way we were going. And I do miss him every day, but it is getting easier to handle. I still love him very much. But I love myself too, and know that I don't have to be his sounding board when something is wrong unless he wants me to still be his wife.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
