Wow, the lock fairy went through and locked everyone last night!!! I'm glad to have the last thread locked anyway. Low day yesterday dealing with the L and H. D8 wanted to go to the church last night for a spaghetti dinner and I didn't want to, I felt like I was going to make everyone else feel rotten. But surprise, surprise being around and chatting with nice, normal people made me feel so much better! After the dinner, a small bunch of us with kids were out on the playground, and I was racing the kids (only one was faster!) and that was fun. I did spend some time with some grownup friends, too, but I've realized kids always cheer me up so I felt back to my normal (well as normal as I get) after that.
Then S14 and I watched "Pushing Daisies" last night which is a weird show but we both enjoy it for some reason and S14 likes to watch it with me which makes it fun. I'm supposed to see my C today which'll be good and the heater guy is supposed to come out & look at it, but I'm determined to throw in some fun today after I get hsing and chores done. I have insomnia today so I'm up at 4! I just kind of feel like H has no redeeming qualities that I can see at this point, which is not good of course, but I'm thinking it's good in a way b/c I think D will be easier for me b/c of that. H is helping me along with the detaching process for sure!!!
Glad you were able to cheer yourself up. Even though the K's can make you feel happy (I totally understand that one), I suggest that you don't downplay the importance of regular live adult interaction. We can only help so much in that regard on the board here.
Hope today is better from start to finish.
Insomnia can be a pain - ever try reading the Internal Revenue Code - that usually cures that!
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
There is a fine line between loving your husband and not liking the person he has become, isn't there?
That's so true! I think I still have a tiny bit of love still for H(I'm crazy I know) but no liking for him and not much respect for how he's been a husband and dad the past few years.
Heater guy came out today and said our heater is toast. The heater exchange I think he said was cracked in 2 or 3 places and he said if we'd run it we would have died of carbon monoxide poisoning! Luckily it was coming out cold so we didn't!!! It's 20 years old so guess we need a new one it sounds like. I'll let the Ls fight over that!!!
I saw my C today and she told me don't need to justify to H like I always do about the need for heat or whatever bs she says he throws at me, and agreed with me I shouldn't have tried to make nice with H about his not calling the kids again this week after he promised them. I'm determined not to do that again. Will work on being more assertive, although she says I've had growth in that, I definitely want to grow some more in that.
Turns out the mediator they picked out is her SIL!!! She said she won't talk to her SIL about us, although she's wanting to apparently. She said she's willing to testify in court that it's apparent that the kids and I have a close, tight bond or something like that (she's done some group family therapy with us a few times). Wants to talk more to me about that next week. Agreed with me that she thinks S14 might have problems being self-supportive and self-sufficient at 18. My L had wanted me to discuss that with her. She seems to be in agreement with me about that, so that's good. Hope everyone's having a good day. I plan to do a little homeschooling/chores and then do something fun!!! Karen
I am glad to hear that you are doing alright. Some days when I was in the midst of it all, being a teacher helped me out more than anyone can imagine. Just being around the kids would help me so much. I remember one really bad day, I came to school and found a note from a former student on my desk that said "I love you. You are the best teacher in the world!" Kids are great! and it is a blessing that you were able to spend time with some the other night.
It sounds like you are doing things to GAL, which is good. Things will get better, but it is so difficult at times.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Karen, I'm with you. The kid love is often times some of the best medicine there is.
Sounds like you are doing pretty good. Its hard to reconcile the still having love for a person that you don't like, I go through the same thing. Its confusing.
((((hugs)))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Well, had another weird afternoon. I know I shouldn't get into the email wars with H, but I did it again, although it wasn't really wars more like discussing stuff. He was rude at one point to me, and I emailed back that he was being rude and it wasn't called for. I've tried to be nice & polite with him and I would like the same from him. He stopped being rude at that point, that was at the start of his emails.
He was bringing up the past and telling me why D is great: it's helped me with my depression, and he's a (sober) alcoholic and has lots of problems (understatement of the year huh?). I said those are something he should address in IC whether he is married to me or not. They won't just disappear or whatever.
And my depression is not better because of the divorce which he claims, but because I got therapy, ADs, and really worked on that. He said if we weren't divorcing I would have backslid and I wouldn't have been able to keep my changes going like I have. I said no, I won't b/c I know what I need to do: spend time with friends, GAL, AD's, exercise, and all the other stuff I've learned this past year.
He sent me almost 20 emails today. Yeah, and I emailed him about half of that. After I pointed out he was being rude to me in one email, he wasn't after that, just going into all the stuff about the past but then he said well of course the past doesn't matter. And I said well obviously it still bugs you or you wouldn't bring it up a lot!!!
Anyway, bring out the 2x4s I know they're coming! I just felt a certain amount of closure today that I haven't felt. He kind of said our M is over & I'm done in December, and today was good for me in feeling like there was some closure to it. I stood up for myself, told him how I felt. I feel like I've said everything I need to. Karen
I just felt a certain amount of closure today that I haven't felt. He kind of said our M is over & I'm done in December, and today was good for me in feeling like there was some closure to it. I stood up for myself, told him how I felt. I feel like I've said everything I need to. Karen
Then there won't be any need for any further R convos/text wars like this one, and there won't be any need for any 2x4s.
Karen, there's nothing wrong with doing this ONCE, maybe twice. The trick is to not stay in reactive mode, but to move on and refuse to engage any further the next time, now that everything's been said that NEEDS to be said. From now on, when he starts, just give him "You know how I feel about that; I've spoken my peace. I'm not going to discuss this with you, and I certainly am not going to sit here and let you be rude to me. G'nite."
after that.