Let him fly...

[runningoutoftime]

I did NOT file. Let me make that clear. What I did was go to an attorney to find out what my options were. If you had seen/heard my husband on Sunday night, when he said he hated me and we were DONE, you would understand I think.

Good. Don't file. Unless you truly want a D.

I completely understand where you are coming from because I've been there. But unless you actually want a D, consulting an attorney and the information you receive should be kept to yourself. It should be your personal information and not something to share withwith a confused and upset spouse who is very likely to misinterpret it and pull further away from the marriage because of it.

Also, if you do go into D.... things may start out nice, but chances are they will change and become ugly. Even in the best of circumstances this often happens. Don't think it won't bother you when your kids really like your XH's girlfriend because she buys them things and wants to be like a second mom to them.

Finally, what attracted him to OW?
Physically, she is petite with very large boobs. I don't know how that happens, no fair!

I do, it's called silicone! Go out and buy yourself a good push-up bra at Victoria's Secret. No trashy tart is going to outdo you!

She has the personality I used to have, outgoing, perky, flirty, fun.
She had family around who watched her son all the time so she could go out and stay out all hours of the night. It was no problem for her to go to the bar with the gang after work and stay until closing time. I couldn't do that, so she was more "fun" than me.

Well, girlfriend's are more fun then wives. Somehow you have to meld the two together and become your husband's girlfriend (who he just happens to be married to). I don't think you need to hang out at bars every night, but using that 6 figure income of his to hire a regular babysitter once or twice a week so you can go "date" your husband would be nice. I guarentee you it's much easier to date your H than a new man who will want you to hang out much more and who your kids will resent you going out with.

She did not have to worry about H's financial situation, so she could listen, affirm, encourage him when he talked about his cattle business and complained about me nagging him re. the money situation.
She did not have to deal with real life issues like kids, house upkeep, etc. with H so she could be supportive of whatever he said.
Also, she worked with H. So she "got" his work situation. I always asked him to talk about it with me, but he didn't. She knew the names of the coworkers, customers, knew the temperament of their boss, etc., so she was easy to talk to about that stuff. And she could go to lunch with him every day, which I could not do as a stay-at-home-mom.
She was the fun, easy option.

Well... with regard to the above... I think that has to be your 180.... the choice between someone being supportive, not nagging and positive... that's pretty powerful...

Actually all those things you've written in that post about who you used to be.
>>I used to be perky cheerleader, sorority and pom pom girl, always up for a good time, chatty, outgoing, loved to go to parties, flirt, be witty, etc.<<

That's your 180 too. It's the person you will become again if the D goes through. It's the person you will be presenting to any men you might possibly meet or date post-D. You might as well become her again.... hummmm.... outgoing, witty... I like that. She sounds sounds kind of fun.